I should be doing homework... (it's easy to see my brother and I are related)

"Good is good and bad is bad, but you don't know which one you had." I had no intention of writing that, but I am listening to that Sheryl Crow song and that line kind of sums up what I am feeling. Everything is good, but sometimes I get in these moods where everything feels so crappy. Today was one of those days. It was just one of those crazy random days where everything feels terrible, and I wonder what is the point in trying. All day at school I just wanted to be in bed away from everyone. It really wasn't a God awful day, but it just seemed like all of the little things were going wrong. I have been feeling very frustrated

with my relationships with my friends. It is nothing personal to anyone, but I just feel like the relationships are taking too much effort. I think it is because we have all changed so much and are ready to all go our seperate ways, but at the same time feeling obliged to spend every second with eachother like we used to. It is like we all want to grow up, but not give up our childhood. Also when I said we have changed, I personally do not feel like I have changed, but I know I must have because I can see that all of my friends have, and they probably can't tell they have either. It is not necessarily bad changes, it is just different. That can be hard to get used to sometimes. I think we are all at different phases of our lives with different priorities. We try to jerk one another along on our dramatic changes, but the other person is too busy focusing on other things. It makes me sad, but I think it is really for the better. I say this, because I am not anxious to go to college at all. It terrifies me that I have to grow up so quickly. I have always been content with my family and my friends. I was in no hurry to rush off and find a totally new life on my own. Now, with all of the changes I think it will make college a healthier experiece for all of us. We will all be anxious to find people heading in our directions with our similiar priorities. I think it will be good for all of our relationships, because we will no longer feel the need to jerk the other ones into our phases. We will be able to do our own thing, yet still care about one another.

I was rejected to give blood today for my third time. It makes me sad, because I always get kind of anxious to give blood, but then when I get all ready to go something is always wrong. The first time I was sick. The second time I had low iron. The third time ( today) I was sick again. That kind of bummed me out also.

Today I went to a local elementary school for the Big Brother/ Big Sister program. I go there every Tuesday to spend time playing games and reading with a 7 year-old girl. She is very clingy and touchy-feely. She is a sweet girl, but she has no idea of how to behave sometimes. I met her little sister and saw them leave with their mother. I do not know why they were leaving school early, but just something about the whole situation made me get a bad feeling in my stomach. I felt sad about it.

After school went great. No complaints there. I was able to lie down a little and just listen to my music. It was really nice after such a day of feeling emotions of such weird, random things. I felt sad, guilty, angry, insuperior, and drained at all different times. I realize it most instances it wass no one's fault. It was just a weird day. It invoked some weird writing emotions though, maybe I will do some good independent study writing tonight... but I think I might just go to bed.