Culture

I finished a book where the Jewish author reflected on a traditional Jewish funeral. It reminded me that I wished I was Jewish when I was younger. Many of my favorite actresses, comedians, musicians, and even writers were Jewish. Plus, I was always abnormally interested in reading about the Holocaust. I read The Diary of Anne Frank on my own when I was going into fourth grade. My friend's older brother was teasing me about being a nerd, because he was four years older and was expected to read it for his class. Now, I understand that I wasn't supposed to be Jewish (like I thought), I was just a sensitive, compassionate kid. It's the same reason I started listening and being impacted by hip-hop in sixth grade. I could feel the anger and pain in their words and I loved the way they rhymed. I still do. I used to get made fun of for listening to hip-hop. I will admit, I've listened to my fair-share of crap rap, but I have tremendous respect for real hip-hop artists who write with feeling. Now that I can articulate the fact that I appreciate the way they play with language, because I'm an English major and a writer, people lay off when they harass me about loving hip-hop.  

What does this have to do with anything? Well, I was talking with lisa last week about how I was surprised a couple years ago when I learned two of my close friends from growing up who are Mexican, used to wish they were white when we were younger. They said they'd stay out of the sun to avoid getting darker, and try to deny their heritage. This blew me away, because I was always jealous that they had culture to connect with. I wished I was Mexican for a while too, because their parents spoke Spanish and they knew where they came from. The one friend's parents always made me Mexican food, practiced my Spanish with me, helped me with soccer, and had beautiful accents. I loved them. I then complained to lisa that I don't know anything about my heritage (for a long time I joked that I was a little bit of everything and part red-neck), and I wish I had some explanation for why I'm the way I am. She said, "Your parents and family make your culture. You have culture, it's just the dominant culture so it doesn't feel rebellious." I'm not looking for anything rebellious. I just wanted something that could ground me to my roots. The more I talked to her, I realized I do fit in with Catholic culture (the belief portion excluded), but I speak the lingo, know the hand motions, know the struggles and joys. Even though I have many things I'm angry at Catholicism for, I'm thankful to have a culture where I have fit in. It's funny, because the people I have the best discussions about faith with are either currently Catholic or ex-Catholics. I will have a great discussion with someone, and it is not until later they will admit to being raised Catholic or being currently Catholic. It doesn't even surprise me much anymore. Being a part of a certain culture is that strong of a connection.

I no longer wish to be something I'm not, but when I hear about things like racism and anti-semitism, they blow my mind. Have other people ever felt jealous that people have different cultures that exclude them? I wonder if that is what creates racist thoughts, if people feel excluded and fearful so they hate to protect themselves. There was this great quote in the movie about the Beat Poets. It was something along the line of, "If we love to protect ourselves from hate, maybe we hate to protect ourselves from love."