Sometimes the people closest to me do not even value what I care about most. It can be really hard to be so deeply effected by things that other people do not even understand. It makes me wonder, what are my friends deeply effected by? Sometimes I wonder if they are really even spiritually effected by anything. It seems like all of the things that have helped me grow up the most are secrets or meaningless to my friends and sometimes family. I have grown so much from my trips to S.Dakota, the nursing home, and already my trips to visit my little sister through the big bro/big sis program. I barely talk to my friends or family about any of that. The stories I do tell them do not seem to affect them at all. I guess it is foolish of me to expect them to be impacted by my experiences like I have, but I feel like how could my friends possibly know me when they do not know the things that move me the most. On the same thought, what are they not telling me, because they fear my carelessness? Have they told me significant things that I have discredited?
Today at the nursing home I talked to the one lady for over 2 hours. Normally I split the two hours between two ladies, sometimes I stay 3 hours, but I talke to just one for 2 hours and 15 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I was touched by this woman's determination to communicate with the woman in the bed next to her. This woman next to her has had a severe stroke. She is not supposed to be able to understand or communicate with anyone. The woman I visit is determined that this woman can understand her. The nurses and even the stroke victim's daughter does not believe her. Today I witnessed her attempt to talk to her and the stroke victim would cough everytime she was spoken to or asked a question. Her eyes seemed very alert and she was attempting to mover her mouth. It kind of scared me, because the doctors insist she is not supposed to be able to communicate, but I swear it seemed like she was responding to this woman. The lady I visit insists it's a miracle and that God is with her. I do not know how I feel about that, but it felt special none the less. I do not even know that she was for sure understanding us, but it sure seemed like she was responding to us.
Tonight I carved a pumkin with my little sister and my Dad. It was rather fun. It was nice, because I was a little disgusted when I arrived home at only 4:15, and the family had already eaten and was all in seperate rooms. I was thinking "so much for family time" and I was only gone for at most 3 hours and it was only a little after four. I realize everyone is busy, but I was just shocked that I was forgotten during the short time I was volunteering.
I had a really fun time at my last cross country meet on Saturday. I am sad that it is all over. At least I have the souper run next week. We are still having optional practices, so I guess it is not all over. Oh and speaking of sad changes, I was informed how terrible my schedule is going to be next semester. They are trying to tell me I should change my second hour. That is my independent study class for writing. I really do not want to drop it, because not only is it my favorite class, but I like having an excuse to write all the time. I feel like I have matured a lot from writing so much. I hope everything works out. I am off to write a story for Lit Comp and call Brandon. I am not desperate I swear, he told me to call.
4 comments:
I know exactly what you mean by not feeling like what you share is taken to heart by family and friends. We do not come from an intellectual family and it's hard finding friends who will understand you in high school. I'm not saying that our family is stupid, on the contrary, we come from very smart people who choose to keep topics that relate to the routine and don't upset anyone. If the family was talking world news and how therapy went who knows how we would have turned out. I can't say it'll get better for you because the more you experience the world away from where you grew up the more alien you feel when you go back. You will have a lot of very interesting secrets that you'll have to keep from Mom and Dad and you will have an entirely different perspective. Don't let this scare you. Read the news, celebrate things that make you different, try and change someone's views.
It's not vocabulary it's content. Anyway the intellectuals I have met are cold and don't care about family and small town life. I wasn't saying you were stupid or that an intellectual family is any better. I don't look down on you guys. I feel left out if I am speaking with intellectuals here or trying to speak with family members. I am not very good at conversation. The family I was raised in focused on children and extended family and I cannot bash this or I would be bashing a part of myself. We are all not that different.
Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't think so much. I wouldn't be so unhappy and taking medication that has me up and unable to sleep.
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