Change and Growth

I spent last evening with Kristin and her brother, John. We dropped in to see some friends from high school. Several of them dropped out of college and are working decent, but repetitive and depressing jobs. We conversed uncomfortably about all of the people from our class with kids. One of the boys seemed so down and apathetic. Kristin and I talked all afternoon today. We couldn't help but admit to feeling sad after leaving the boys last night. I'm used to things changing, and I don't keep in touch with many people from my class. It's easy to forget about their struggles until I see them again. I think I feel the most sadness for the people who haven't changed--or the ones stuck at jobs where they will be the rest of their lives. The monotonous jobs where happiness is drinking a six pack on the weekend. I guess, some people are content with a simple life, but that seems so depressing to me. It seems like they are just numbing themselves with mind-altering substances and trying to "survive" instead of live. I shouldn't assume they aren't legitimately happy. It could be that I know too many unhappy people, and that taints my view of happiness in humanity.

Kristin is living in Spain all of next year, so she is trying to come home to see her mom a lot. It's been nice. I think I've seen her more in the past month than I have in the last two years combined. It is amazing how much we both have changed since high school. I considered her one of my best friends then (I still do), but we were in all of the same classes, soccer captains together, same clubs...we were constantly competing, and that made it difficult to fully trust one another. We both have grown so much. We have totally different interests and lifestyles; I barely see her, but I realized today that she is one of the rare people I think I will be friends with for life. Even if that means, only talking on the phone once a year. I don't think she will ever completely fade out of my life. At least, I hope not. There's very few friends I feel that confident about. I love all of my friends, but I'm not so naive to think that we will be friends forever. Life tears people apart. I am terrible at goodbyes and letting people go, but I'm learning. Jenn (from the South Dakota group) said "we are never as far away from someone as our thoughts." I like that idea, because I think about all of the people I care about often. I think of the most random people sometimes. Last night, I thought about a good friend of mine from fourth grade who moved away. I wonder what happened to him.

Things change. It's sad, but beautiful to be able to reflect on life as a circle. John's band is signed now. They still have a long ways to go, but they're playing pretty big shows and opening for killer bands. I can remember when he was pestering his mom to let him buy a guitar when we were in middle school. People, things, and places change. Friendships do too, but there's just something really powerful about keeping friends throughout life and changing together. My friend, Adam, and I were recently talking about how he and I have both changed so much since we became friends a year and a half ago. We both have evolved and grown closer to the center of our beliefs. While we used to be on nearly opposite sides, we are both pretty laid  back and moderate--either that, or we're both just crazy together.

I've had trouble writing for the last couple weeks. It's been enough to drive me mad. I have a first draft of a poem, though. I'm unbelievably happy about it. I will post it if I ever finish it (or get a solid enough of a draft to post).