Emotional Strength

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a person emotionally strong. I am beginning to wonder if an individual can even be considered emotionally strong. In reality as human beings we have to deal with any tragedy that comes our way, whether we want to or not. I used to think of two different scenarios for someone I would admire for emotional strength. The first one would be that the individual appeared to deal with situations better than everyone else. They would be the one not crying when everyone was weeping and trying to be optimistic. I know several people like that in my life, and when I have had the rare instance of seeing them cry it kills me. It's like I think if the people I look to for emotional strength are breaking, then the world must really be screwed. I get that feeling of hopelessness in my stomach when I look into their tear filled eyes. It makes me think, "this is life," which is very pessimistic, but it's like all of my optimism vanishes when the optimist is crying. I think those rare instances of strong people in my life crying are some of the most beautiful moments in my life, but also some of the most devastating.

The other example of someone I would normally consider emotionally strong is someone who has dealt with a lot of things in their life or deals with some major tragedy. I always think, "Wow, they are so strong. I could never deal with my mom dying," or something like that, but the truth is I would have to. What other option is there? Granted, some people deal with things better than others. I realize some people choose not to deal with their tragedies and choose a life of drugs or alcohol, or even to take their own life. That causes more tragedies in this battle of life we are all in together. Is someone emotionally strong for just getting through life? Can an individual be emotionally stronger than another? What if we are all emotionally strong just for living and getting through whatever tragedy comes our way. The truth is, death is inevitable. We will all lose people we think we can't live without, and one day we will pass. I think that makes everyone pretty damn amazing.

I am coming to the conclusion that human beings are naturally emotionally strong. The old emotionally strong character in my mind, which never cries, except for extreme tragedy, might not be so strong after all. I do not cry much, and I don't think that means I am emotionally strong at all. I think it means I am content numbing myself through life, which I am beginning to learn, is not the answer to getting through things. We need to feel, even if that means extreme pain sometimes. I was always told the best way out is through, thanks to Mr. Emerson, and I think that is true. The only way to get out of struggle is to experience it and get through it. My friend Kristin told me that numbing myself is the easy way out, and I don't want to do it anymore. It scares me to feel, but as I am looking for a role model that is emotionally strong, there is not one. There is no right way to deal with pain. I can tell you some ways that probably aren't so good, but some people need to make mistakes to learn from them. That is probably better than my perfectionist fear that desires to keep me numb and keeps me avoiding anything that could be too good or bad for me. It's a New Year I am sure I will continue to grow emotionally, or maybe I won't. It seems many adults haven't emotionally evolved from 18, but that makes me sound like a jerk for noticing. If it makes amends for that last statement, sometimes I think I am emotionally immature. All of my friends told me after I experienced a tragedy that made me weep, that I would never go back to the numb, insensitive person that never cries when I should. I wept when my grandma died this summer...a lot. In fact, I haven't cried since. I guess, my friends were wrong, and I did regress to the insensitive character again that turns the TV on when my friend is bawling about her ex-boyfriend. I have so much work to do, but admitting that is the first step, right?