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I just spaced out for five minutes, trying to think of a title or point to this entry. There's not one, really. Just another way I can write without pressure or making any real progress on my book project. My independent study is incredible. I have some great ideas I should be working on for the chapter in progress. Yet, it almost feels like too much pressure for a Saturday. I keep rereading what I already wrote, and feel like nothing I think of is good enough to be written down. Last weekend, I had this same problem. I ran into my boss on Monday at the MLK Jr walk. She asked me how my ind. study was going, and I said the writing was not going as well as I'd hoped. Her response: "It never does. It always surprises you, though. That's just the nature of the writing process. Be patient with yourself." Simple, but fantastic advice. After, relaxing a bit, I cranked out nearly 6 pages before my meeting on Thursday. My ind. study prof is supportive, helpful, and just a great person to bounce ideas off of. I left my meeting with him on Thursday totally charged up to write. Unfortunately, I chose to take a nap instead, because I stayed up way too late Wednesday night with the new gentleman friend in my life. I've been hanging out with him almost every night. Tonight, I need to read, write, and read even more.

We saw "Black Swan" last night, and I loved it! I've loved Natalie Portman as an actress since I was a Star Wars nerd as a kid. She's one of the few stars who made a flawless transition both on and off the screen from child to adult actress. Sophomore year in college, when James' roommates were big into the "Gay/Straight Alliance" program up here at Central, they had a favorite game they liked to play while drinking, called "Who would you go gay/straight for?" If you were straight, you answered a celebrity of the same sex that you would love to go on a date with. If you were gay, you'd answer a celebrity of the opposite sex that you would want to go on a date with. It gets to be quite fun and funny when you have a variety of sexes and sexual orientations playing, because what happens is generally a lot of mass agreements or arguments, showing the complexity of sexuality. My answer was always Natalie Portman. She's Harvard educated, funny in interviews, capable of playing incredibly intense-serious roles, well-read, into art, and an advocate of human rights. Basically, who wouldn't want to be her or be with her? It's funny, because when we would play the game all of the guys and girls (gay or straight) would be like, "Oh yeah! That's a good one."

I've heard a lot of complaints about her recent choice to play in a romantic comedy alongside Ashton Kutcher. Everyone is like, "How can she be a Harvard educated woman, and then decide to play in such a shallow film?" I was on the same page at first, but the more I learn about the film, and with some of the interviews I've seen with her rationalizing her decision to play the role, I think it is awesome. She is showing her diverse capabilities as an actress and allowing herself to have fun and not take herself so seriously. Not to mention, the film plays with the idea of gender roles in relationships. I kind of forgot about how much I liked her for the past few years, because she hasn't done a lot of big projects. Plus, contrary to what this blog entry may look like, I'm not a creepy obsessive fan, so I had no idea what she was up to. Let's just say her performance in Black Swan and the interviews I heard with her about the film, reminded me how much I respect her. Hollywood is a tough industry to win over as a strong, independent woman. I admire the few women who pull it off. I think Tina Fey kicks ass in this department, too!

The movie was done by the same director who did "Requiem for a Dream." Black Swan had the same sort of thought-provoking, intense feeling. Although, I will say Requiem for a Dream was a little too intense for me. One of the characters reminded me a lot of the heroin addict I met in New Orleans years ago, and I was just too disturbed and depressed to get a glance into that lifestyle. Black Swan was still very intense, but it's the kind of intensity I enjoy, and I hope to buy it when it comes to DVD. I was really impressed by Mila Kunis (The girl from "That Seventies Show" and the voice of Meg on "Family Guy"). She proved to be much more complex than I had assumed. Of course, do we ever really know celebrities? I guess I shouldn't assume anything about any celebrities, but it's just the nature of being a celebrity, I think. You have to be aware that the roles you choose will be a part of the way you are judged. I don't agree with it, but it's just how our culture seems to work. I am certainly guilty of feeling like I know a celebrity (hence my tremendous respect for Natalie Portman, Tina Fey, and Ellen :) In reality, I know I don't know shit about them, but it's fun to pretend. This leads me to reflect more on the nature of celebrities in general. I'm taking a "Psychology of Women" class that is just making me an already more devout feminist than I already was. Maybe as the class continues, I will do a blog entry reflecting on celebrities and women... Wow, I need to stop rambling and try to write for real. Peace.