In all honesty, I have been avoiding blogging. That last entry was just so optimistic and meaningful. It's kind of hard to follow...not to mention, I am still not feeling well. I am physically better. I sleep half-way normal hours, can function  more days than not, and I even have moments of happiness...all things I am incredibly thankful for. I don't know if I chose to forget how slow of a process getting better is. I remember saying that it felt like it took me a year to fully recover from the last depressive episode. Yet, for some reason I don't remember it being this difficult and slow. I guess, I'm just impatient.

I have been trying to write a lot, since this is my last week off work, and without any major quizzes, exams, or papers. This is going to be an overwhelming semester. I don't want to stop writing creative prose like I did last semester. I let my poetry class take over my mind, which is okay, but I miss essays. I'm working on my first essay in a year. I don't think I'll complete the first draft any time soon, but it's nice just to be writing in a more fluid manner. I like poetry; it really does take over my mind. I still am not okay with it being my only genre to work in. I'm not strong enough in it, and it is less therapeutic than writing essays. It doesn't force me to self-evaluate as much, or at least not in as deep of a manner. I'm also trying to read and write a lot of poetry. My poetry class is incredibly demanding. I hope I can keep up. I think I will be okay if I keep reading and writing poetry a few times a week. It will help to keep my mind functioning in that poetic way: observing sounds, digging deeper into emotions and images.

I think I need some type of spiritual retreat. Maybe I will isolate myself one of these weekends to read and write for fun, do Yoga, meditate, and just be for a while (in addition to the millions of pages to read and write for class). I worry it will result in me lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, though. I just need to find some way to dig deeper into myself and step back from my real life for a moment. I don't know when I will have time to do this. I am trying to use Thursday nights as a night to keep a date with myself. I go to the coffee shop, get a cookie, and write for hours alone. I hope to do that as many weeks as I can, but I am going to play indoor soccer soon. That will be Thursday nights, not to mention, most people don't like being told that I can't hang out because "I have to go to the coffee shop alone." It's funny that this society is so put off by introverted people.