I Got Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

It is another cold, cloudy day. I do not feel good again, but I am trying to take all of these vitamins and stuff so I do not get sick. My mom booked a vacation to Phoenix for my sister, herself, and me. I am so excited to get out of town and soak up some sun. I think it will be a very relaxing trip, because we do not have any official plans. The only official plan is sitting by the pool. I am thinking that may help all of my sinus problems.

Soccer is in full swing. We had a scrimmage on Wednesday and a game on Friday. We lost both by a significant amount, but I have to give the team credit that everyone is working hard this year. It is going to be a rough season, because the majority of our team is new. We play against teams with a lot of experience. I just want to have a memorable and fun last season.

I do not think I will be attending U-M like I originally had planned. I have been informed that Kinesiology is a part of their pre-med program and the average ACT score is a 28...not quite what I got ha. I also figured even if I am accepted, do I really think I can do a pre-med program at U-M? The answer is of course, no. I am debating between Central and State. I even contemplate Siena sometimes, but I do think I should get out of town.

Last night I went to see my sister in her school play. It was cute, and it reminded me of my middle school days. It is funny, because in middle school I thought I was so mature. I look back now, and realize middle school kids are just that, kids. I am sure I will say that about my high school experiences too. It is funny how time changes everything. This soccer season is a constant reminder of how things change. Half of the girls that I played with since I was in sixth grade are gone. I will never play with them again. It's weird. Plus, Kali now has a kid, I am getting ready to go to college. On Lisa Loeb's show she mentioned how you just have to go with the decisions you make. No one knows where their decisions will take them, but they all add up to be your life...so I guess you should enjoy it.

I should work on more scholarships. It is all overwhelming, but in just one week I will be in sunny Phoenix!!!! Thank God for that! I just have to get through this week. OH and on Friday my friend Sarah and I are going clubbing at the Necto with Adam for our first clubbing experience. I hope we have fun, I think we will, but I don't know what to expect. Should be a nice week.

A Preview of Spring

he weather has made my whole week. It was not nice at the beginning, but then it got incredibly beautiful. My friend, Kristin, gave me her Rollerblades. I have been using them almost daily. Today I roller bladed for like an hour, and then went for a bike ride. My legs are a little bit sore, and by butt, well don't get me started on how sore that is.

Everything was better health wise, but then last night I developed a sore throat and a lot of congestion. My lungs burn as well. I am thinking it has to be allergies, because if all of the tests came back negative and I am still sick, then what else could it be? I did get better for like 2-3 weeks though. I am thankful for that!

Yesterday, my family traveled to Toledo to visit my cousin in the hospital who just had a baby boy on Friday. It was so weird, because it honestly seems like yesterday that we were both in Cancun together...with our hair braided, braces flashing, and new bellybutton piercings that we had gotten done together on the first night we were there. Now we are both grown and she has a kid now. It was so amazing to be holding her kid. His name is Jayden Cole and he was less than 24 hours old when I first held him. He was so light. I got to thinking as I held him "He is lighter than one of the dumbbells I use. It is truly an amazing process. It was another example of how things change so quickly and so drastically. No matter what happens, you can't go back. I just keep on keepin' on.

Friday night also was an experience that made me realize how much life is changing and how far I have come. Two of my close friends from soccer came over, along with Kristin and Cristina who I still play soccer with. We got in the hot tub and gossiped about boys and soccer, just like old times. It made me realize how much I missed them and how different it will be this year without them. We all had such a good time laughing and talking it was like things hadn't changed at all, but when they left at nearly 2 am, I realized how we wouldn't all be together again until summer. Then in the summer we will have to accommodate everyones work schedule, and then all of their friends from their grade will be home from school. I just don't think things will ever be the same. Kristin and Cristina stayed until after 3am. We were talking about how in one year we would all be at different schools. It makes me sad to think about how much things will change, but it is very exciting at the same time.

My spiritual growth was going so well, and once again, I feel stunted. I feel like I have to fight myself daily to be spiritual. Sometimes, I just don't feel like fighting. The group I go to S. Dakota with, has pretty much fallen apart and that discourages me. I should have gone to visit my lady in the nursing home, but Wednesday I don't have school, so I will make it a priority to stop by then. I did warn her that soccer was starting and I would not be able to come by much. She was very understanding about it. Maybe I will take her a flower or something to make up for it, because I feel badly and I miss her.

I still haven't heard back from U-M. I am beginning to lose hope. I have so many people who have been hearing back that they got in. I am beginning to think that if I haven't heard anything yet, maybe that means I won't be accepted. They said to allow until the beginning of April, so I guess there is still time. I really need to start blogging regularly again. I feel like there is so much to say, but not enough time. I will try to do better.

Where Have I Been?

Today in second hour, Caitlin and I were talking about how we hadn't blogged since February. I thought it might be, because bloggers seem to feed of each other. I hadn't been giving or receiving comments, and I felt very distant from everything. I had no desire to write about my experiences. Then I got to thinking "I really should blog" about ANYTHING. Then on myspace Rhiannon left me a message saying she still reads my blogs...that gave me the fire I needed to fight of the apathy I have been feeling when it comes to writing and keeping in touch with myself. I understand that when I do not take care of myself emotionally, that everything else in my life seems to pass me by. The last several weeks have not been dull. I just didn't want to write about them. In return for me forgetting to keep in touch with myself, I lost/forgot everything. I would have forgotten my head had it not been attached.

I know it is important to take care of myself spiritually and emotionally, but I seem to put those last compared to everything else. So I had my 18th birthday last week, and that was actually very fun. My friend gave me her old roller blades that she knew I wanted. I have been using them whenever possible. I love listening to my ipod and just skating carelessly. It feels so good. It helps my mood and it helps keep my mind from exploding.

I am working on practicing being more present in the moment. It deals with some meditation techniques, but I can't call it meditation, because I get too frustrated and expect too many results. I think if I clean my room and my notebook, then my life will feel a littl more in control. It has been spinning around out of control for the past few weeks, and I do not like it at all.

I did realize today that I have three weeks untill Spring Break. On Spring Break I plan to get organized and relax. I also realized that I have no school next Wednesday. All of this made me realize I can totally make it to Spring Break. All of my friends seem to be going to warm place, but I don't mind (that much) that I am not. I just need a week to get my crap together.

I am having a hard time forcing myself to write about some of my experiences lately. I have been doing fine and having fun, but I feel like things keep changing more all of the time. I suppose it is only going to get more dramatic as graduation approaches. Captains Week is this week for soccer. Kristin, Cristina, and I are responsible for planning the week's agenda. Next week soccer officially starts and we have a scrimmage on March 21. This final season is going to fly by. I hope that I just enjoy it and have fun. Soccer has always been a huge part of my life and it has been more than a game for me. This year I want it to be just a game again. I want to have fun and not be hard on myself. That is far easier to say then do. I know that I will not appreciate every game like I should, but by being aware of this problem...hopefully I will appreciate it to some extent.

Everything has been overwhelming, but overall going well. Adam is home from Paris and London. I was excited to see him again, but not excited to see the stitches on his poor face(but it makes a great story.) He bought me a necklace for my birthday from Harods. I received several compliments on it today. I suppose I should stop complaining about being unorganized and go do something to help the situation. I will try to blog a little more regularly.