Journal

I took on the challenge of journaling every day this week for writer's group. I haven't yet written since Thursday night, so this is my journal for today. It's sort of a slacker's journal, but I don't want to waste pen and paper for this.

I have to wake up at 5 tomorrow to ride a morning bus. I had a little too much fun Friday, so I slept until noon today since I didn't get to recover yesterday. Therefore, going to bed early will be difficult.

Yesterday, I went to Ryan's wedding reception. It was so nice to see him and the rest of the S. Dakota group. I overslept, making them all wait, which never fails to make me feel like the worst human being alive. I'm so thankful they waited for me, though. I really enjoyed my time with everyone.

I look forward to every weekend while I'm working, but when the weekend comes, that's generally when my depression acts up. Maybe because I have time for it to flare up? I always feel lousy on weekends mood wise. It's hard to get out of bed.

Today, I hung out with friends from High School, and it was so nice to see all of them. It was Dawn, Dashon, Cristina, and Kristin's mom (since Kristin is in Chile). I've missed them all a lot. They make me feel apart of a separate family. It's good to feel like I belong in different circles.

Still looking good...

Things are looking good. I like my therapist. I'm making progress in my long, dry book I'm required to read for my incomplete. I'm being mindful of two positive thoughts every day, and I am writing again. Plus, Groove Adam is home, and it's nice to spend time with him. I'm content right now. Glad to be alive.

Positive

Looking back at the number of blogs I put out per year, I can't help but notice I only had 39 entries in 2009. I guess, that's the year of the hospitalizations. Actually, there were very little positive things about 2009--now that I think about it. That is probably why I didn't want to blog. I didn't have much to say except dark, repetitive thoughts.

I'm struggling to keep up with blogging this summer. I think it's because I still don't have a lot of positive things to say. I'm struggling away with my incomplete, work, and writing seems impossible these days.

One thing that has been helping me is that Laura and I ask each other what are two positive thoughts we had every day. Now, I'm beginning to be more mindful of paying attention to those rare thoughts. It's important to give the positive thoughts more power than the negative, but our culture does the opposite. I'm guilty of remembering more negative things than positive.

So, ordinarily, I'd say today was just mediocre. But, really it was a good day. No major drama at work. The kids got to go swimming. I had tamales for breakfast. I worked out after work, and visited my grandpa. I have a feeling in the future, I will look back on a day like today and miss it. I love my job and my kids, which is easy to forget when they're all whining and shouting, "Aimee!" because they want my attention at the same time. I also feel fortunate for the time spent with my grandpa. We don't talk much when I'm there, but just sitting with him is nice.

Two positive thoughts I had today: This is a good morning and this is a good day.

One Hell of a Hot Day

Today was in the upper nineties. That's hard to deal with inside of a school building with no windows and no air conditioning. We had to switch classrooms this year. Our program now occupies the other half of the building, which happens to be the hottest side. When walking from one side to the other, there was a 10-15 degree change. My shirt was soaked, and I had trouble staying awake all day even though I went to bed early.

Work is going well. The kids are challenging this year. We have a young group with little schooling, so we are working on very basic things like writing names and such... One little girl tells me I'm beautiful almost every day. She doesn't even remember my name. She just says, "Teacher, you're so beautiful." Needless to say, I love her.

I had a wonderful vacation to the Outer Banks. I visited Laura, and was reminded how much I miss her. I've never had a friend I am so close with, so I was reminded how thankful I am for her friendship. We talked about how much we have been through together and how strong our friendship is as a result of such struggles.

Leslie, Alicia, and Alicia's boyfriend, James, drove down and met us there. It was nice to experience such wonderful things with so many close friends. I saw dolphins, went kayaking, and hang gliding.

Hang gliding was freeing. I went tandem with a professional, so I could ride up 2,000 feet and be released. I also was able to go alone while supervised by an instructor off of a sand dune. I didn't go very high or very far, but it felt like a dream. I was flying. I crashed pretty hard the one time, and scraped my shin on the control bar. I have a nice scrape/bruise to prove it.