Life slips by like a field mouse...

And the days are not full enough

By Ezra Pound

And the days are not full enough

And the nights are not full enough

And life slips by like a field mouse

Not shaking the grass

This has been a favorite poem of mine since I discovered it in ninth grade. I chose it because it was short, simple, and powerful. I didn't even know who Ezra Pound was, and I had little experience understanding poetry. It's amazing that at least 8 years later, it still packs just as much punch, if not more. I love how song lyrics, poems, or even words of advice can stick with us and become deeper and more meaningful with time and wisdom. This poem came to mind today, because I felt happy a couple of times. It was one of those rare moments where I could look past the complaints that come along with being human, and just exist in peace. I saw dolphins this morning. They are mystical creatures with so much emotional depth. The more I learn about them, the more I love them. I loved them as a child, but it is another example of having an even deeper respect for them now that I'm older and know more about them and their capacity to feel emotions we've deemed human.

When I was having these "peak moments," I thought about how this is life. It started with me thinking the sky looked heavenly, and how I don't really believe in a literal heaven, but that I believe these moments of peace and beauty on Earth can be our own experiences of heaven. Then I realized, these little moments are what we live for. We work, we struggle, we go through the motions just to have a few moments of peace and joy every now and then. Don't get me wrong, I think those moments are miraculous and totally worth earning, but there's just something so sublime about contemplating our own existence.

I also reflected back on circles in my life because I had a moment that reminded me of S. Dakota. I remember being blown away and excited on my first trip when my eyes were opened to circles in every aspect of our lives. Later, in my freshman year of college, I remember saying to April (who I met on my first trip to S Dakota) that life's circularity was depressing, and I was sick of going in circles. She talked about how going in circles doesn't have to be depressing, because we come back to these "markers" (such as seasons, holidays, birthdays, etc...) with new wisdom and perspective, and that we can use them as tools to self-evaluate. I've thought about both the depressing side and optimistic side of circles, and I've decided it's a little bit of both. I'm leaning more toward the optimistic side lately, though.

I'm visiting Laura in NC. I went nearly 6 months without seeing her, which felt far too long. I have a familial relationship with her, where I've gotten used to relying on her. It's hard because her job is so demanding and our lives are going different ways, so it gets harder and harder to be there all the time for each other. We do a solid job of maintaining a strong friendship, but I'm sure her time in a PhD program and my time with the nuns will force us both to do some independent soul searching, and I realize we might not end up in the exact same place. It's hard to imagine, and we both fear a day we are not as close of friends. I think we can continue to be close friends forever, but I think the nature of growing up is that we all have to develop our own lives. That reminds me of a quote I saw today in a gift shop here--it was something about life isn't about finding yourself, but instead about creating yourself. I think that's pretty empowering. We have complete control over who we choose to be. Sure, some of our personalities are from genetics and past experiences, but having the power to change for the better is encouraging.