Kerosene

The wise words I once embraced mock me, "life is a circle."
I look at your enthusiasm and no longer feel it.
We both loved the circle before the dark nights
when I cried tears of blood as my soul died.
You can no longer see the light burning in me,
which causes you to sit and squirm; you're nervous and in pain.
I laugh at the awkward silence while wishing I could ease your suffering.

Remember the pure silence we used to experience?
We were both protected by innocence then.
You pretend it's still the same, like it's not burning you to sit and listen.
I laugh at your lies while you dance around the hellish flames.
You drenched your clothes in kerosene, but I lit the match.

You lock your arms around me and I inhale the moment.
I feel the only piece of my heart that is not stone, break.
I can't look at you, because I know you see the mess that I am.
Do you ever get dizzy from spinning around in the circle?
I can tell we are both drained from the ride we are on,
but you are high on adrenaline and belief.

I watch you embrace each revolution with your hands up.
My face is green and I am waiting for the ride to end.
I am continuously vomiting in my hair, but I do not cry.
We spin together, and you smile at me.
I force a weak smile that does not reveal that I have teeth.

You don't mind the acidic bile that is burning my throat
despite the fact that I can no longer speak.
You do not care, until I vomit on you.
Then I see tears in your eyes that I cannot cry.
Are you crying for you or for me?
You can't cry for me, because you are selfish like I am.

You're drowning in apathy, but you pretend to love me.
I see through your lies, but force myself to believe you.
Your belief and love is all that I have left to hang on to,
so I swallow your lies like I dry-swallow these pills.
They both hurt like hell, yet they're all I have to see any light.
I am sorry I lit the match, but why did you have to have kerosene?