Today was one of those days where I keep telling myself I'm fine, but things keep going down hill. It seems the last week or so has been like that. It's not any one big thing, but instead a bunch of little things.
I got back my midterm from that week where I had an 8-page paper due, a quiz, and three exams. I got a C. It started the morning on a sour note. Then it just continued to be a bunch of little things...like a firedrill at work during my all too short 45 minute lunch. Oh and did I say one fire drill? I meant two. TWO.
I've been under a lot of scrutiny for my project lately. I'm getting e-mails (yes, plural) that are asking me questions I can't answer. I don't know if I can keep working on it. It's draining.
I don't want to complain about all of the little things bogging me down, but I'm trying to communicate the feeling of drowning. I am involved in too many things so that I cannot excel at any of them. I'm constantly flaking out. I'm not writing. It makes me angry.
Speaking of anger, I've never allowed myself to feel anger in a healthy way. A part of my therapy is to pay closer attention to my feelings. I've been feeling angry about sexism a lot. I never realized how much it is a part of everyday life. It's starting to jump out at me. For example, I notice the way I am passive and constantly let men interrupt me, etc... It's not worth getting angry about when I can 't evaluate all of the feelings more, but it doesn't just go away either.
This is a pointless blog. More for clearing my head than anything else. It's going to be a long week. I'm supposed to camp out at midnight tonight in cardboard boxes and freeze for WPI. Good times.
3 comments:
... Hence the lack of conversation in the herbarium, right?
a. I like the name of your blog
b. I'm not sure I'm allowed to comment here, but I decided I'm going to.
c. This blog is NOT pointles - it's doing exactly what it is supposed to do, help you get out what you are feeling.
d. I dunnot if this helps you, but you have got company when you say you are flaking - and don't seem to be able to excel at one thing.
e. I honestly admire your effort in all the different things - coz I know you have put in effort for all those things.
f. I think, at the end of the day - the fact that you tried to be a part of something is what matters the most (rather than not doing anything at all, like me).
g. Believe it or not, every teeny-weeny bit of effort counts, may not seem like it right now, but thats only coz we know nothing about the future.
h. I'm getting redundant in what I'm saying and this is turning out to be a very long first comment on a blog.
i. I need to stop looking at blogs and start work instead.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
P.S. - I've wroking on outlines FAR too much.. the reason everything's in points...
P.P.S - Sorry about all the spelling errors. Turns out, I dunno the keys on the keyboard yet...
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