Where Have I Been?

Today in second hour, Caitlin and I were talking about how we hadn't blogged since February. I thought it might be, because bloggers seem to feed of each other. I hadn't been giving or receiving comments, and I felt very distant from everything. I had no desire to write about my experiences. Then I got to thinking "I really should blog" about ANYTHING. Then on myspace Rhiannon left me a message saying she still reads my blogs...that gave me the fire I needed to fight of the apathy I have been feeling when it comes to writing and keeping in touch with myself. I understand that when I do not take care of myself emotionally, that everything else in my life seems to pass me by. The last several weeks have not been dull. I just didn't want to write about them. In return for me forgetting to keep in touch with myself, I lost/forgot everything. I would have forgotten my head had it not been attached.

I know it is important to take care of myself spiritually and emotionally, but I seem to put those last compared to everything else. So I had my 18th birthday last week, and that was actually very fun. My friend gave me her old roller blades that she knew I wanted. I have been using them whenever possible. I love listening to my ipod and just skating carelessly. It feels so good. It helps my mood and it helps keep my mind from exploding.

I am working on practicing being more present in the moment. It deals with some meditation techniques, but I can't call it meditation, because I get too frustrated and expect too many results. I think if I clean my room and my notebook, then my life will feel a littl more in control. It has been spinning around out of control for the past few weeks, and I do not like it at all.

I did realize today that I have three weeks untill Spring Break. On Spring Break I plan to get organized and relax. I also realized that I have no school next Wednesday. All of this made me realize I can totally make it to Spring Break. All of my friends seem to be going to warm place, but I don't mind (that much) that I am not. I just need a week to get my crap together.

I am having a hard time forcing myself to write about some of my experiences lately. I have been doing fine and having fun, but I feel like things keep changing more all of the time. I suppose it is only going to get more dramatic as graduation approaches. Captains Week is this week for soccer. Kristin, Cristina, and I are responsible for planning the week's agenda. Next week soccer officially starts and we have a scrimmage on March 21. This final season is going to fly by. I hope that I just enjoy it and have fun. Soccer has always been a huge part of my life and it has been more than a game for me. This year I want it to be just a game again. I want to have fun and not be hard on myself. That is far easier to say then do. I know that I will not appreciate every game like I should, but by being aware of this problem...hopefully I will appreciate it to some extent.

Everything has been overwhelming, but overall going well. Adam is home from Paris and London. I was excited to see him again, but not excited to see the stitches on his poor face(but it makes a great story.) He bought me a necklace for my birthday from Harods. I received several compliments on it today. I suppose I should stop complaining about being unorganized and go do something to help the situation. I will try to blog a little more regularly.