Two Days

I am done with high school for good in two days. I have been asking myself the question "Do I feel older?" The answer is yes. It is weird, because it never ceases to amaze me how things change in just one year. Each year slips by faster; it even gets to the point where they seem to have passed by me before I could think about it. For going by so fast, each year holds such huge changes. The funny thing is, that the changes never seem that big. It always happens slowly. I take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one breath at a time. I guess that means that life changes with every breath we take. I come to the conclusion that I have matured, only to understand my immaturity even more.

It makes me smile at how my view on maturity has changed such a great deal. Ever since developing a friendship with the women in the nursing home, I have realized no one ever fully reaches maturity. Lenora is 81, and Velma was 96 when she passed away. She would have just turned 97 this month, now that I think about it. Each day provides a new obstacle, lesson, or realization. Life is a great journey. We keep traveling on this journey searching for something that can't be found, at least not in this life. I admire the people who can accept that and be at complete peace with it.

My grandparents are two people who I know are at peace with their life. The thing is, I think they are underappreciated. They do not expect anything and are at total peace with everything. My grandpa is going to try to make my awards night this Thursday. He has a hard time sitting through things because of his health problems, but he is determined to make it to this. I think he is so determined to make it because, he is worried about all of his current health problems and how he will recover. He has smoked my whole life, and most of his. He has never been able to quit. He has never been one to worry about his health too much. My grandma always has to yell at him like a child for not eating properly with his diabetes. I hope that he is not giving up, and I do not want him to think he has to come to my awards if he is sick. I will come visit him anyway. Sometimes I wish I could get confirmed for my grandparents before they are gone. I know it would mean so much to them, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. I can't just force my faith. I know they do not expect me to do it for them, and they told me to take my time until I am ready.

It is weird that I can say this, but I am an adult. I am practically done with high school. I will be going to colllege in mere months. Life burns sometimes, but it never fails to surprise me from time to time. A few years ago, I could not imagine the person I would be when I could make those statements. Here I am: the same person that I have always been, but much more complex than back then. I just keep getting more and more puzzle pieces thrown into the box that holds my puzzling life.