A New Phase

I am caught in the middle of trying to remain in the old, comfortable phases that are slowly disposing of themselves, as well as trying to grow into the new phases that aren't quite here yet. It is a strange, strange place to be. Each day brings me a little bit closer to the new challenges awaiting me, and brings more closure on the old.

I am working full time now. After my short job experience last year, I did not have any confidence to seek work this summer. I had not planned on working, but the job offer came to me, and I could not turn it down. I am thankful for that, because not only did I need the money, but I needed the confidence that I am capable of working. I am working as a teacher's assistant at the Migrant schools. I love it so far! Don't get me wrong, every morning is a struggle to wake up and get there. I also look forward to coming home a great deal...but while I am there I love it. It feels so good to be making money, and not be miserable in the proccess. The kids are so lovable and cute! They have helped me decide that I plan to do my "Witness" for South Dakota on "How I see Jesus in kids." I am working with the Kindergarten kids, and I already love all of them. My favorite part of the day, is waking them up from their naps, because they sleep so soundly, and they whine, and make funny faces. Many of them end up getting up, only to fall back over and sleep again. It is adorable. Tomorrow, and most Fridays, we will be taking them to the community pool. It will be chaotic, but a great deal of fun.

Kristin and Dawn leave this Sunday at 7am...talk about weird. It is going to make me really sad when it hits me that they are gone, but I think it will also invigorate this new phase of my life. I am excited for them, because I know how excited they are. I also know that it will help us really appreciate our time together. I am just sad, because things won't be quite the same. I won't be able to just walk over to their house or randomly do things. Everything will have to be planned. I guess, plans aren't all bad, but it will be different.
April is now gone for the summer to Boston. What will I do without spiritual guidance? haha I think it could be a good thing she is leaving for a little bit, because I was beginning to depend on her spiritual affirmations. I need to own my faith a little more. I probably wouldn't be this relaxed about it, if I didn't know that she will be back in time to visit before I leave for Central (Aug. 19). I already have this strong urge to e-mail her and talk to her about some cool spiritual things I have read about/talked about the past few days...but I figure I should wait a week or at least a few days. With as many spiritual moodswings as I have, I should probably force myself to wait a week at all times...but I like capturing my many different, intense extremes. That is why I write about them...speaking of writing. I have been hardly writing at all. I have been reading some, but not nearly as much as I would like to. Right now I am reading the book "God's Politics," by Jim Wallis. He is also going to be speaking at the conference I am going to in September alongside my favorite, Anne Lammot. After talking to April about all of the details about the conference, I couldn't be more excited for it. It is going to be such a fun, spiritual weekend...that will be all about me. I am hoping to get that same type of spiritual feeling that I get in South Dakota, but in this case it will be about me, and not serving people. Serving people is a great way to get in touch with my spirituality, and I enjoy it a great deal. It just is very exhausting and sometimes heartbreaking. This conference, on the other hand- will be about encouraging my spiritual life, meeting my favorite author, hanging out in California with other spiritual people...I seriously can't wait!

I learned yesterday that my grandma entered the program to become a nun for 8 days. It amazes me that she was always so religious, so Catholic even. She said "when you take one step to God, he takes 9 to you." She claimed that she thought she was blessed throughout her life for her intentions to become a nun. She left on the eighth day, because her mom was going to have surgery and her dad did not want her in there. She also had some great thoughts on faith. I really admire my grandma's faith. She is a pretty cool Catholic. Sometimes she makes me feel like I could get confirmed Catholic. April makes me feel like that too. I guess, we will see what college brings and how my education and spiritual experiences make me feel. The thing that also made me consider confirmation, is my weekly podcast. They talked about how Religion, is really just a language for us to express our own spirituality. We don't understand all of the languages out there, but for some people some are easier than others. It isn't a matter of what language is best, but that we can express out souls with one. The rabbi that was on the program, also said that she suggests that people look hard into their religious roots. She said a lot of times that is where you will find comfort to express yourself, because it is familiar. It made me realize that being "Catholic" or any other religion, does not separate me from the many other spiritual people out there. I am really getting a lot out of some of the Buddhist philosophies that I am reading about. They really coexist with my beliefs very well. You can be Catholic, and follow Buddhist philosophies...I never knew that before.

Things are going well, overall. There are plenty of little things, but I guess there always is. I am thankful for how things are going. I am looking forward to spending practically this entire weekend with Kristin and Dawn before they go. I hope it does not prove to be dissapointing, because I want it to be a perfect end to our old high school days. It is sounding kind of unorganized at the moment, though.