Satisfied

I cannot believe that I am admitting that I am completely satisfied with everything in my life right now. Of course, there are a ton of things that I wish were different (I wish I could find my cell for one). I am just so proud of myself for understanding that life is good right now. Life is never perfect, it is easy to let the bad outweigh the good. I am happy to say that at this exact moment, I have accepted the bad and cherished the good...This past week anyway. I contribute the satisfaction to the search I have been conducting for faith. I have been reading "What Would Buddha Do?," I just started "God's Politics," and I am anxious to start "Storming Heaven's Gate." I also plan to reread some Anne Lamott when I get "Plan B" back from Kristin. I have also been told to check out some book called "The Barbarian Way." Spiritual books are absolutely amazing and interesting they all stress the importance of being content. I realize that I am RARELY content. It is human nature to always be wanting more, counting down the days until the weekend, worrying about everything I have to do. I am just thankful to be content in this exact moment. Will I be content 2 hours from now? Who knows.

Last week I had the best spiritual discussion with April. I hadn't seen her in ages, so I was worried how it would turn out or that I would talk too much. The conversation lasted well over 2 hours. I am so thankful to have someone take that much time out of their life to listen to my concerns about faith, spirituality, and morality. It is great, because she is such a neutral perspective. Every time we meet the conversation gets more real and honest. It is weird, because I have never had an authoritative church figure that I trusted. I was able to express my concerns about college, friends, faith, and just morality in general. She had some fantastic answers that have really encouraged me to rethink a lot of things. The biggest thing that I am reevaluating, is being honest with friends, family, and other church figures about my feelings. I am a very non-confrontational person, so I tend to keep a low profile when it comes to anything too personal. Spirituality is extremely personal for most people, because it involves your way of thinking about everything you do. There are many people that I do not trust with my belief system that are close friends, other religious figures, even some family. I have decided that I need to begin taking tiny steps to put more trust into people that are a big part of my life. It is worth being slightly vulnerable to be provided with growth. I would like to add that I only plan on making myself vulnerable to these individuals if I trust that they will honor that.

My open house was was yesterday and I am very thankful for how the day turned out. The weather was absolutely perfect. I could not have asked for better weather at all. I was also flattered by how many people took the time to show up. It really meant a lot. I felt so special to have so many people that came to see me and ask how I have been. My two best friends' open houses were on Saturday. I spent the weekend getting slapped in the face by the fact that we are really going our separate ways. I think I am okay with this, but I know that although I will still see them, things will never be the same...That makes me sad in a way. It is exciting at the same time.

Last week I worked a sort of "school" for kids around the age of 5. It was called "Safety City," and it taught kids the importance of safety. It was a lot of fun, because kids at that age are just hilarious. The thing that cracks me up is that they are usually being very serious when they are the funniest. This week I am working a soccer camp for elementary kids. I think there is even a few middle school kids in the older kids session. I have discovered from working all of these things with kids lately, that I really enjoy working with kids. Today Mr. Hanosh told me that he could see me "working with troubled kids." I took that as a big compliment, but it also put a new idea in my head. I wouldn't mind working with kids with problems. The thing is that I haven't done it enough to know if I like it. I am going to be doing the Big Brothers/Big Sisters summer program, which I believe has children with much more serious problems than I have ever worked with. With this being my first time doing the summer program, I am not sure what type of kid I might be getting. That will be a great test for me to see if I can really handle working with troubled kids.

I think I am going to go read, even though I have a ton of stuff to do. I am just trying to enjoy being content for a few moments.