How am I Doing?

How am I doing? So nice of you to ask, because no one does. I don't know how I am doing anymore. Things are so weird that sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It is strange, because I don't know if I am happy or sad, overall. There are plenty of things telling me I should be happy, but just as many things telling me to be sad.

I like it here at Central, I honestly do. The campus is great, my professors are great, I have a nice boyfriend, I don't have as many friends as I would like, but I have some nice friends. I am stressed about classes, proably more than I should be. I think it is almost to an unhealthy level, the stressing about classes. I am sad at how things change though. I honestly don't know what is wrong with Kristin and I. I feel like we are trying so hard, or at least I am trying so hard, but it is not working. The extremely close friendship we had seems to be vanishing more every week. I was able to have a good conversation with her Thursday evening finally, but she had to go rather quickly and promised to call back, because we were "having a good discussion." I have yet to hear from her. I left her message last night, because I saw that she called at 2:30am. I told her that I was kind of disspointed that she never called back, but I know she is busy. I told her I understand, but that I wanted to talk to her soon and she has not called. It is so weird, because I used to be able to just walk over to her house or show up at any random moment if we needed to talk, and now it is like mission impossible. She has called me back when I am busy though, but it is so frustrating to be playing phone tag for what feels like weeks. Do we even fully know eachother anymore?

Things are going great with Eric, I said I wasn't going to blog about my boy-situations after the last two times I did that (last year) things got messy from that, so I am not going into details. I probably won't mention it again, but I am happy with our relationship. I think he is good for me. Much healthier than me isolating myself up here. Leslie said she thinks it is healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone like him right now. I feel like I am bringing him down with my homesickness, but he gets to go home all of the time. He only lives 45 minutes away and he has a car. I can't stop talking about how I want to go home, just for a weekend before Thanksgiving. My parents are accomodating with that, so it might be possible soon.

The one positive thing about being up here is that when family drama occurs, I can choose to separate myself from it. I am not saying that to sound like a jerk, I just think that is helpful for me right now with all of my other stresses. I am enjoying the fact that I have that choice now.

I have started seeing a therapist, and I think it is very good for me. I wasn't so sure, but I have been doing the meditation exercises my therapist recommended for me, and I think they are good for me. I am doing better overall mentally, but some random days really knock me on my ass. It sucks, because I never see it coming. I just can't wait to go home to see everyone, fall asleep next to my dog or cat, get in the hottub, and go rollerblading or walking with Leslie.

I have to meet Eric for dinner. I suppose after that I should start those three papers I have due this week...good times.