Reason for Hope

I am reading Jane Goodall's "Reason for Hope." It is the story of her spiritual journey. My grad assisstant reccommended it, because during the twelve hours we spent together on our wolf-tracking adventure, we discovered we shared a love for reading spiritual books. We also discovered that we both were in a phase of our lives where we felt disconnected from spirituality resulting in the both of us no longer reading spiritual books. She told me about “Reason for Hope,” because it is her favorite book. I, of course, told her about Anne Lamott. I checked out Goodall’s book after I had rediscovered my love for spiritual books thanks to Anne Lamott’s latest book “Grace (Eventually).” I didn’t think I liked Goodall's bookk that much at first, because I found it hard to relate to. She was raised Catholic, which helped me relate to her, but I have never been much of a scientist. All of her obsessions with animals seemed foreign to me. I can see why my grad. asst. would like it so much, considering she was also raised Catholic and is a Bio major that studies animals. The further I get into, the more I like. It is real. Her life is not something I can relate to, but I am seeing another spiritual journey that doesn’t follow the rules resulting from Catholicism. It is beneficial for me to see how other people find a spirituality that works for them after coming from a similar starting place as me.

My writers group is the best thing I could be a part of this summer. It gives me a purpose and goals to shoot for, it has reunited me with people I haven’t seen in forever, as well as helping me meet other cool writers in the community. I need to stop trying to hard to write something impressive, because each week it gets harder and harder for me to bring something I feel confident in. I love the challenge though! It has also helped me appreciate my relationship with lisa, because I do not feel like I fully appreciated it before…probably because the whole teacher/student thing was clouding my vision. I am glad that I no longer feel the need to impress her in anyway so I can just send her ridiculous drafts of writing that I know are not my best. The feedback strengthens my writing and I know I don’t have to get embarrassed at my errors. It was also fun at the first meeting I went to when April and Evan were there, because I have showed April some of my serious writing, but she had never seen my crazy stories that I am known for writing. Writing just helps me feel more understood, even when I am exaggerating things to make them funny. I just feel like my real personality comes out.

I am working Safety City this week. I have a really good group of kids. There is this one boy that is so sweet. Most of the kids don’t ever call me by my name, but this boy ALWAYS does. It’s always,
“Hi, Aimee,” “Thanks, Aimee,” or my personal favorite quote from today “Aimee, you’re beautiful!” Needless to say I want to keep that kid around at all times. He always asks if I can come over and play after Safety City, and I always respond that I need to go to my house. He always says, “Aww that’s boring!” He is such a sweet kid. I was worried how I would go back to working with kids, since I was not around kids much this year. I am exhausted from the whole depression thing, so I was worried the kids wouldn’t like me as much and I would be dull. Being with the kids gives me energy though, so I am still energetic (for the most part) with them. I am definitely not overly energetic, because I am too old to b running around at all times with the kids. They have much more energy than me, so the trick is learning balance of when to be energetic and when to just let them be energetic.

I have been writing so much crap it is awful. I know it is good practice just to write, even if it is meaningless crap that will never be used, but I have to write all of the time in order to have something acceptable for writers group. I wonder how my writing will change when I am working full time at the migrant schools. I start next Tuesday. It will be exhausting, but the kids are always so lovable!

I spent over an hour at the labyrinth at a local college since Safety City is located on campus. The time was wonderful, because it was a perfect day when I was sitting in the shade. There was a nice breeze rattling the trees and the sun was reflecting off of the rocks. A robin was crawling playfully on the statue of Mary’s head. It was the statue where she is holding a grown and deceased Jesus in her arms. I love days when the weather is perfect, because it is so rare! I love sitting outside and reflecting on these perfect days. It’s probably the best thing I can ever do for myself spiritually. Lisa is writing a paper she wants to submit to a journal to be published. It is about the benefits of sending high school kids outside. She uses a quote from my blog entry “Congratulations, you’ve turned into a hippie” to show how her former students are still enjoying the benefits of being outside. I wasn’t even explicitly getting at that, but now I am stating it plain and simple….going outside is probably one of the best things I can do for myself spiritually. You can’t live for happiness, because happiness is just a “side effect” of living, as Adam said this past weekend. I guess, that is a reason for hope and not dissapointment like I had once thought.