The Truth About Lies

Depression is like handing a pair of bifocals to someone in need of them, but the top lens is so clouded with dirt that his or her vision for distances is worse than before. However, the ability to see objects that are close improves tremendously. Depression causes one to be extraordinarily perceptive to people’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities. My new glasses allowed me to expose how often everyone lies. White lies are chocolate, because they can make almost anyone feel better, but cause sickness when eaten at the wrong time or too often. With my clouded top lens, I felt revulsion at the frequency of lies I had been told all of my life, as well as the ones I regurgitated to others to keep the peace. Even after I have cleaned the first cloud of dirt off of the top lens, I still find myself feeling anger at some of the lies individuals told me that I kept quiet about. No one was safe from my sight. I caught everyone that meant anything to me lying; even those that I liked to believe would never do such a thing. I also feel anger when I think of the lies I have told to people, because it’s what they wanted to hear instead of what they needed to hear.

I have friends that swear they are completely honest even when it hurts, but that is a lie. It would be foolish to be so honest at all times, not to mention rude. If honesty is the best policy, then why does everyone lie so much? People lie to cover up their fragile little egos. I know so many people that claim they are confident in their identity and strong enough to be honest and take responsibility for their mistakes; I am one of them. After seeing the truth from all the lies I do believe people can tell the truth in the most difficult of situations, but only when given proper time to think and prepare themselves. When anyone is put on the spot for something they did wrong, a lie is almost always involved. The lie could be as big as completely denying the mistake or as little as exaggerating the excuse behind it. I have also found that when someone has a lot to lose, then even the noblest people will rationalize a lie to help rest his or her conscious. It is amazing the effort an individual can put into rationalizing mistakes, which is just a way of disguising the fact that they are lying to their selves.

There are times when I know someone is lying to me, but I pretend to believe him or her to avoid conflict and protect their ego. Then there have been times when the person knows that I am aware that they are lying to me, but pretends he or she is oblivious, because it sounds better to say than the truth. I tell a lot of those little white lies where I can tell the person doesn’t believe me, but I say it anyway, because I feel like it’s the right thing to say. I have tried to be more mindful of the way things come out of my mouth only because I feel like it will make the person feel better. I am always more concerned with making the other person happy, even if it leaves me feeling lousy. That is not a good way to go about life.

When I was walking with Kristin down town Ann Arbor we were discussing how we finally have had to stop trying to please everyone so much with our studies and decisions. We came to the conclusion that no one really cares about our happiness. That doesn’t mean people don’t care, because they do want us to be happy. The problem is that they can only imagine what would make them happy so they try to convince you to study things that will guarantee jobs with money or behave in ways that everyone “likes” you since they believe that is the way to happiness. Those things do not usually lead to happiness. Gilda Radner had a quote in Rolling Stones something along the line of how important it is to have one or two real friends, because you can get the world to love you, but you don’t have the world’s phone number to call when you are upset late at night. I lied to myself and everyone else for so long to make other people like me. I was finally convinced people actually liked me from the several awards my senior class awarded me, but I still didn’t feel like I had many people that really knew and loved me. I was okay with that kind of life in high school, but it is too much work to continue on without a support system that I don’t have to lie to in order to keep them around. I am currently developing a sturdier support system. I have found the people that mean the most to me are all people that I don’t have to lie to, but can confess when I tell them one anyway.

I am surrounded by so many lies, but now that I have clearer vision on both of my bifocals I try to honor both perspectives to see the whole picture. When I am hurt by someone I admire lying to me, then I try to reflect on “why would they tell me this lie?” “What are they trying to protect me or their self from?” and "Is this lie appropriate to bring up with them?" When I find myself lying I try not to feel guilty about it until after I dissect the reason behind the lie. I used to try so hard to pretend I didn’t lie, but that just left me telling more lies. I think acknowledging my lies is one of the most honest things I can do. I wish more people could begin to dissect their lies. Maybe if everyone told the truth about lying, then more truth could be told.