Miracles Happen.

I almost don’t want to blog honestly about what I experienced the past five days, because I worry people will discredit or not understand such a powerful experience. I have to share the goodness though, even if it hurts for people to put it down. Twelve people from Pine Ridge (The reservation I have traveled to three times to do service work) came to Michigan to learn what it is like off of the reservation. The reservation is like a third-world country right in the middle of the U.S. There are homes without running water. The water is not always safe to drink. Unemployment AND alcoholism are both above a crazy 80% of the population there. Two of the poorest counties in the nation are on the reservation. Gang violence is a serious problem and domestic violence is most prevalent there. I have been touched every time I went and met more kids there. Each time I met innocent kids thrown into terrible circumstances. This week was a totally new experience that was more powerful than any of my trips there (which is saying a lot!).

I met the kids Thursday evening at a barbeque. I had no idea that I would love these kids just as much as anyone else I love in my life before they left, just five days later. We did and experienced far too many things to write about, but I will write some of the most important ones. Sunday night we spent the night all sleeping on a gym floor in a church. We stayed up until 2:30 (at least) having one of the most powerful spiritual experiences of my life. I don’t even know if I believe in prayer to a deity, but this prayer turned into such an intense experience of human connection. Jon said he felt there was someone in the group that really needed us to “lift them up in prayer.” We all seemed pretty collected, because we do that so often. Then Jon said, “I mean we are going to literally, physically lift them up in prayer.” I honestly thought Jon was being ridiculous, because there were some people much bigger than most of us. I also was thinking, “who is going to admit so desperately needing help?” I thought there would be all of this awkward standing until someone came forward, but instantly JoDon, one of the 17-year-old guys from the reservation stepped forward and laid on his stomach with his face in his arm, clearly upset about something. Jon asked him if he wanted to talk about it or just be lifted, and he said lifted. We lifted him over our heads as a group. Enoch whispered a prayer aloud in his native tongue, which seemed much more powerful than any prayer I have ever heard. The rest of us thought or prayed positive things for this boy. JoDon became shaken up and began crying and praying in his native tongue from above us. When we set him down slowly, he lay on the ground sobbing and the rest of us lent him a hand or gave him a hug. One of the group members held him in her arms. Jon asked if there was anyone else…and then anyone else… and eventually almost everyone was lifted up above the group, despite our arms shaking from exhaustion, and every single person wept in the arms of people from the group. I will never forget the chills I got when one of the boys, Chris, was up there. He is thirteen and victim of abuse, self-destructive, and done many drugs. He has no one to really take care of him. He has such a “hard” protective image. Up above us he kept fighting himself and tears, but Jon told him we were there for him and we didn’t want him to have to hurt anymore. He sobbed up above us until we set him gently on the ground. He rolled over to his stomach and sobbed in his arms. The group extended hands and kisses. It was the most incredible bonding experience I have ever had with people, and the weird thing is that we didn’t tell each other at all what we were crying about or what we were struggling with. It was just the connection of pain and healing together.

The next day at the dunes and Lake MI, I had a great bonding time with my friend Drew and a woman I just met, named Jenn. We climbed the sand dune together and talked honestly about beliefs. J.J (one of the smaller boys) came to the top with Chris, because Chris had been hiding food up there for himself. Jenn invited Chris over and began to talk with him about his life on the Reservation. She asked him about his recent move to escape his abusive grandfather and how good his new school was. She asked him about gangs and drugs. He said he tried every drug once, but didn’t want to do that anymore. He said he used to drink a lot, but was sick of seeing so many drunks around. He said now he just smokes cigarettes. He then told us about the scars two of the other boys had, and how they were from their gangs. One of them had a cross-type symbol burned into his arm for his gang and the other one had a strange “A” looking thing cut onto his back as well as a circular scar on his arm that I cannot describe. This boy then told us that everyone is in a gang. Jenn asked him how he stays away from it, and he said he stays inside all of the time. She asked, “Don’t you get lonely?” and he answered, “Yeah, it’s real lonely, but I don’t wanna be in no gang.” Drew and I sat in complete silence burying things in the sand. Chris randomly left us and walked down the dune without saying goodbye. After he left Drew, Jenn, and I sat in silence for over a minute until Jen said while throwing a twig, “What are you supposed to do with that?” Drew and I shrugged silently and Jenn had tears in her eyes. J.J. was still up there digging away insanely like a dog. Drew and I got out our cameras to take a picture of him and Jenn said, “That is pure innocence,” because the kid was oblivious to what has just gone on. We all laughed. The picture I took of that moment has Elise (who walked up in the middle of Jenn and Chris’ conversation) crying off to the side and J.J. looking like Tarzan digging away crazily. It is such a beautiful picture.

That night we got home and were all so exhausted so we were supposed to have a short night reflection. It started at 10:45 and we wanted to be done by 11:30. We didn’t get done until 1:30, because we did an activity where we rotated around and held hands with each person and looked into their eyes for a minute before saying something deep and nice about them. It meant that each person said something nice to everyone. Everyone was crying, because we realized how much we loved each other. We all said, “I love you” to each other, which may sound cheesy or overdone, but it was real. I have never loved anyone more than I love these kids. I love them like family and it was mutual. We also did a talking circle where we passed an object around and when a person was passed the object they spoke to the group. The confessions and thanks that everyone said were life changing.

I loved everyone and was touched by everyone, but three of the boys, Chris, Enoch, and JoDon really broke my heart when they left. JoDon is the one that especially got to me. He is returning only to leave his home to escape the gang he is in. He told me I was now his big sister and he loved me. He is such a beautiful person. He is so strong and smart. He has sun danced more than once, which is dancing while connected to a tree by something that is pierced through him. They dance for four days without food or water until the pierced object is ripped out. He stayed up until 5am the last night writing a poem that he showed Elise and me before he left. It was about how he had found love for the first time in his life with our group and had to leave it. That last morning at breakfast, he and I sat next to each other drinking tea in silence. We were both clearly upset, but unable to say much besides small talk. I finally said, “I feel like there is so much I want to say, but I can’t say anything.” He smiled with sad eyes in agreement. I then said, “Maybe saying nothing can mean just as much as words sometimes.” He said, “Exactly, but I wish I knew how to say it all.” We smiled and then looked down and sipped our tea. It was one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. Enoch is returning to go to court and most likely-jail for a DUI that he didn’t pull over very quickly for. He is the sweetest kid. He just doesn’t have a support system. Jenn told him if he couldn’t stay out of trouble he could come live with her. He seemed so relieved to know he had a way to get away from it all. Saying goodbye to them in the airport was like the end of some sad Disney movie. We all waved and waved until we couldn’t see each other anymore. JoDon pointed to his heart and then to me while walking away. I returned the gesture. Jenn, Drew, and I blew kisses at Kimmy before she walked through the metal detector. Chris prepared to walk through the metal detector when Jenn shouted, “Iron Hawk!” he turned, and she pointed to him and said, “Don’t forget!” He laughed and then walked through security away from our sight. Jenn, Drew, and Elise were crying while I stood with that depressing rock feeling in my stomach. Drew then laughed and said, “Jenn, that sounded like the ending to a movie. ‘IronHawk, don’t forget!” We all giggled and agreed it was one of the coolest quotes ever and that we had to write a movie that had that for an ending.

Today Drew, Elise, and I went together to develop pictures. We scrap booked while listening to depressing songs that reminded us of all of this past week. Elise told us that Jon told her when the kids arrived back in S. Dakota only one of the girl’s dad’s was there. No one came to pick up the rest of the kids. What a terrible slap in the face of a cold-world. I mourn for them, but am so thankful that these kids know they are loved. I will do whatever it takes to go back to S. Dakota to see them. It is like Jon told me, “These kids do not trust, and they trust us! They do not know love like this, and they love us! We cannot let them down. We must do everything in our power to make sure we keep this love, because we owe that to them.” He is so right. These kids are so beautiful and bright. They can change the world if given the tools and support. I will never forget my love for them. Many people will argue that it will fade and this was some crazy love high, but they are wrong. I was not lying when I told JoDon that he will be in my heart until I die. I was not lying when I told Enoch I love him just as much as any of my friends or family that has been with me my whole life, and I was not lying when I told any of them that I love them and will do anything I have to in order to see them again. In Lakota there is no word for goodbye, because they always say, “Until I see you again.” I will see them again. That night we spent at the church we did a “get to know each other activity” that had us ask our partners if we believed in miracles. I said no and so did many others, but we all agreed before we left that this experience was nothing but a miracle. Miracles do happen. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s not even an argument about the existence of divinity, but it is the miracle of love. Take from that whatever you want. Mitakuye Oyasin (All my relations, meaning we are all related).