Seeking Truth in Writing

This morning I went to lisa’s to get some help on writing. I have some great ideas for poems and stories, but I am having trouble writing much lately. She said I am telling how I feel instead of making the readers feel what I want them to. We agreed that my problem is that I am afraid to write what I see as truth. She explained the truth is not some flattering poem about how perfect everything is, but instead it is messy and it can hurt me or other people. I expressed my concern of hurting people I love or feeling like I am not appreciating people. We discussed what loving someone means. I have many friends and family that I love, but that does not mean they are perfect. I can’t write about all of the people I love and make them like saints. Real writers have to get beyond the idea that someone will read what they say and be hurt. The truth hurts, but it is always only one writers truth, and what else is there besides truth? Today I walked with my friend Adam on some woodsy trails. We sat in a clearing and talked for hours. He was concerned of offending me, but said, “I think you are a good writer, but I worry that you are too nice to be a great one.” I respect that kind of truth. I agreed he was right in the sense that I care too much what people think, and instead of writing what I want to I sugar-coat things. All of the authors that I love are incredibly blunt and spare no one, especially not themselves. That is what makes them so brilliant. Anne Lamott does not allow for anyone to think she is some Saintly prophet for even a minute. I will never forget my reaction to the first book of hers that I read. There was a part where she said something about how she loses her cool. She talked about getting frustrated with her son when he was younger for not listening to her over the TV after several times of her repeating himself. She then says, “I told him to turn that TV off, as in ‘turn that goddamn fucking tv off’.” She then talks about feeling bad about her loss of control and then taking a walk to really think things through. When I was talking to a friend about Anne Lamott we talked about her amazing ability to write about all of the messy truth that is out there. We joked that she would have nothing to write about soon, because she has already revealed so much of herself and the people she loves. Humans are so complex, yet similar that there will always be new truth and stories to be written.

I thought that I had reached a point of honesty in my writing as I began writing about things that I considered to be personal, but it was always at my own risk. I still have not conquered the ability to write truth about loved ones. I was able to write stories about my roommates, because although I cared about them as people, I never loved them. It is hard to write all of the truth about people I love, because I don’t want other people to judge them. I have to leave it up to my readers on how to judge them. A good writer can make the reader feel a particular way about everyone, even after they include all of their good and bad truths.

In order to finish this short poem I am working on, lisa suggested I do all of this journaling and writing about what exact events I am trying to capture, instead of just telling people how to feel. It blows my mind how people do not realize the work that is involved in all types of writing. For one short poem, I will probably have to write pages and pages to get to the truth and underlying point I want to make. When I went to coffee with a friend that writes songs yesterday, we talked about how writing is similar to meditation. Both take a tremendous amount of discipline and are spiritual things that involve trying to focus and control the mind.