I Don't Always Understand

I don't always understand how things happen the way they do. Sometimes it's simple, and I just can't believe it. Sometimes it's complicated and I don't try to. I don't want to go into much detail, but a couple friends of a friend were not very nice about my hospitalizations. I chose to confront them and offer them the chance to respond or agree to silence. It's rather anti-climatic. We don't talk anymore. It's sad, but I don't wish them bad luck or anything like that. I hope they feel the same about me. I realize blogging about it is rather passive aggressive, but that is not supposed to be my point. It has nothing to do with the actual people. It's just that they have since made things difficult for our mutual friend and stopped talking to her. I like to think it has nothing to do with me, but I can't help but feeling like I caused a ruckus. I'm very new to standing up for myself, so the first time I do it, I have this negative reaction, and I instantly think I did something wrong. I don't understand how I did something wrong. I planned out everything I said in my confrontation. I was respectful. Yet, not only did I make people so angry at me they can't even say hello, but now, they won't even talk to my friend. It makes me sad because it hurts her a lot. The fact that I am blogging about this feels so elementary. It's not that I want to make anyone look bad; it's just that I am beginning to understand how little I understand things. Maybe that is a good thing to realize--to approach the world with humility. Like my favorite Michael Franti song says, "It seems like everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I know."

This world is hard enough. How does stubbornness and pride get in the way of love? We are all so worried about what we look like instead of just being honest. I understand honesty is hard. I just don't understand how there is ever any other option.