Writing a Book, or something of the sort

I've decided to use my portfolio (30 pages) toward a book. I think I could also use pieces of some of my published essays toward it as well. I desire to write a book about my mental health journey mixed with a mostly rocky-at-best search for spirituality.

I'm writing here, because I'm stuck again. What's so tricky is that I've worked very hard to polish those thirty pages. So now, starting all over with a blank page to compare only to some of my best work is discouraging. I've discovered I remember life in the form of conversations and dialogue. I often have been complimented on my ability to construct real life dialogue in my essays, and I am now beginning to believe that is just the way I remember things. I think about what other people say, and what I say to them, a lot. I'm constantly worried about saying something dumb, which I do so often, yet it's not nearly as traumatic as it sounds. I'm also interested in others ideas about life, so I recall serious, in depth conversations pretty well. I am thankful for that. However, it is frustrating because now I am only writing down random conversations, and I have to figure out how to develop the scenes and put them in some sort of logical order. Creative non-fiction is so challenging, but I love it. It is difficult to stay true to life, yet compose an interesting story with a beginning, middle, and end. I'm not complaining, because I really do enjoy it. It's just frustrating some days, and tonight is one of those days.