Heat Wave

It's been in the mid to upper nineties all week. The school I work in doesn't have air conditioning, and it seems to get hotter than outside because there is no breeze. We have fans, but they don't seem to do much in this intense weather. I sweat through my clothes pretty early on. Today, in order to escape the afternoon heat, we took a field trip to see "Cars 2." It was cute. My kids were so excited to go, but then when we were there, they all complained of being tired (we went during their nap time) and couldn't sit still. They seemed to like the movie, but they have short attention spans, and some of the humor was over their heads.

I took an adorable picture of some of the kids wearing hats. My coworker found a bunch of baseball caps at garage sales, so everyone in my class got one. They wore them sideways like little thugs or punks, and it made me laugh. They are so sweet. They all can drive me nuts, but they also have a way of melting my heart when they give me a hug at a random moment. It's always such a pleasant surprise that they just get unplanned urges to give me a hug. I even smile when it's one of the trouble makers who test my patience more times than they do not. Sometimes I have to be cold with them in order to get them to listen, and it makes me feel better that they still want to give me hugs even after I had to scold them.

Last week, some of the kids were not participating in gym. I told them they needed to at least try, but then they started picking flowers. They pick little flowers in the grass for me regularly, so I had a suspicion they would try to give it to me. I asked them not to pick flowers, but they didn't listen. Finally, I said, "If you pick that flower, I can't take it because you're supposed to be playing kickball." Of course, they try to test me, so they gave me the flowers. I had to keep my arms folded and refuse to accept them. It broke my heart to have to reject their thoughtfulness and kind gesture, but they are always testing the boundaries, trying to see what they can get away with. They know they can get away with more when they are with me as opposed to the other two women in my classroom. There's a few who refuse to listen to me unless I yell. I don't like yelling at the kids. It makes me sad, but I can't let them be out of control either, or they will have even more trouble during the school year. It's sad to know many of my kids will only continue the cycle, but a few always give me hope. I hope several of them get to attend college and do something different with their lives. They are such good kids born into unfair circumstances.

At the movie theater today, one of the kids was excited about the automatic paper-towel-dispenser. He said, "All I had to do was wave 'hi' to it, and it gave me paper all by itself." I smiled even though he was supposed to be standing quietly in line. It just seems so sweet to think of waving your hand in front of a motion sensor as waving, "hi." The kids give me a fresh perspective every now and then, in addition to keeping me from being too serious.

I've been reflecting on how serious my family and I can be, but how I'm still drawn to comedy. There was a period in my life where I was obsessed with Saturday Night Live. I read everything I could about the writers and performers from different eras. I started getting interested in improv comedy and how a lot of the performers and writers came from improv groups. I dreamed of doing improv comedy, and I even considered joining the improv group my first year of college. I realized I just wasn't meant to be a performer, but in another life I could see myself doing something like that.

My love for comedy was set on the back burner for a while due to my love for social justice, experiencing depressions, and then school. Since I got netflix, I'm getting back into watching standup. Standup is really hit or miss with me. I don't like to think I'm offended easily, but I suppose by some standards I am. I don't think it's overly sensitive to not laugh at issues that hurt people. I think it's just common decency. A lot of the standup on TV is shallow and offensive, so I'm enjoying being reminded that I do have a sense of humor. There's plenty of smart, good standup out there.

Also, I read Tina Fey's book recently and then went to see "Bridesmaids," which is starring and cowritten by Kristen Wiig. Both the book and the movie kept me laughing out loud, reminding me I'm not "too serious," like I sometimes feel. I have a sense of humor; it just might not be the most conventional. I think being an activist, people accuse us of not having a sense of humor or say we need to "lighten up." For example, I've heard a lot of people criticize Ashley Judd for being so intense now that her book is out and she is on twitter, often posting about social justice facts. I think she is often portrayed as very serious, because she deals with a lot of serious issues, not to mention she has studied women studies and understands the implications of the sexist language in the media, so she refuses to tolerate it. Yet, I heard her mention in an interview how the world is such a serious place, it's important we look to laughter and humor to keep sane. I know a lot of activists who think like that. There was a wonderful reflection about what sort of boundaries should be in comedy written in SALON magazine. If you have a minute:

http://www.salon.com/entertainment/tv/feature/2011/06/28/go_the_f_to_sleep_tracy_morgan_updates

I'm updating my ipod as I write this for the first time since my harddrive crashed. I finally restored most my music and decided it was safe to do so. After it is updated, I will listen to my new music while I'm upstairs looking for my camera in a bunch of boxes. We'll see how that goes, but I need it for the many events I have coming in the next month!