Nightmares

I don't want to go to sleep, because I know I will have nightmares about all of the images and interviews I have seen with people from Virginia Tech. I met a kid that goes there over Spring Break, but luckily he is okay. My friend, Adam, pointed out how far worse genocides and massacres happen everyday in third world countires and no one stops to think about it. I agree with this, but I think I am so bothered by these images, because these are all students. They were shot in academic building which is so real and scary to me. The academic buildings here have tons of people in them at any given time. It just seems so real to see images of such terror on a college campus that looks similar any other college campus. I can't get the shootings out of my head and I worry about sleeping. I am going to try though, because I have far too much to do tomorrow and the rest of the week to be dead tired.

I stayed up talking to my friend Dashon tonight. He is struggling still and that hurts me. I believe in him so much, but he is blinded by depression and feels hopeless. He also talked about how exhausted he is. Depression is so draining; it feels impossible to go on. They increased my dosages today for my anti-depressants, because I am seeing results, but not enough. I still have been having mood crashes (like tonight) and regressions back to the old routines. I am angry all of the time too. While anger might be apropriate in many cases, I feel like it is taking over. The increase in my dosages should have me seeing results in no time. I am confident they will make me feel better after the improvements I have already seen, but nothing is a miracle worker. Life is never easy and they are not drugs that numb you from all of your pain. It's not that easy.

I feel so burned out from everything right now. It's only going to get worse. I need to sleep.