Dreams

Tuesday was the longest, worst day that I have had in a long time. I had a snow day on Wednesday that allowed me to recover by sleeping most of the afternoon away and catching up on writing for my independent study. Wednesday proved to be a wonderful day compared to Tuesday. Tuesday was just a wreck because I stayed up until 2:30 doing papers that were due Tuesday, and then I had to wake up at 7:30 to drive Leslie to work, so I could take her car to my appointment that afternoon. The roads were horrible, and it was not only a day where I was on-the-go from 7:30 am until 9pm, but it was a day where I was in high-stress, borderline panic-inducing states all day long. My hands already shake from one of my medications, but when I add sleeplessness, caffeine, and little time to eat on top of it, my hands were shaking so bad that I could barely hit the right numbers on the microwave. It was just a mentally draining day. Ever since Tuesday, I have been sleeping a lot. The kind of sleep that I just keep falling in and out of all day long. This has been especially scary, because I am having scary, complex, and incredibly realistic dreams. It has even got to the point where I can't remember what's from real life and what's from my dreams. Most of the confusion is just little things...for example, yesterday I could have sworn that I took out our bathroom trash. I was over-heated from my electric blanket, so I thought I took out my trash and stood outside by the trash can for a minute to cool off. I then remembered, telling my roommate I did this. Later in the day, I went into our bathroom and the trash was still overflowing. I asked my roommate if I had talked to her about it, and she looked at me as if I was crazy. Little things like that are less serious, but when it starts to leave me wondering on much bigger situations, it gets scary.

The dreams are all so far-fetched and extreme. I can't seem to find any common threads in situations, characters, or scenery. The only thing that seems to connect them all is paranoia, grief, anxiety/panic, and shame. Last night, I was afraid to go to sleep. Plus, I had slept on and off all day, so I wasn't tired. My allergies were bothering me, and I was wide awake still at 3:30, so I took a Benodryl. Luckily, I didn't have any dreams that were too intense last night. I'm thinking maybe they were just a result of the extreme stress on Tuesday. I'm hoping they were just stress-dreams, but scary nonetheless.

My acid reflux cough is back again. I gotta figure out a way to keep this under control. It's expensive to keep buying the over-the-counter stuff. I wish it was still a prescription so my insurance covered it. When I cough, I can taste a metallic type flavor, which I'm guessing is just the stomach acid, but I'm not sure. I probably should be eating better, but it's hard with all of the stress in my life and the joy I find in eating everything that is bad for it.

My other theory on the dreams is that I'm just watching too many weird movies, and getting sucked into all of the books I'm reading along with the mixing of the fiction and non-fiction I'm writing. I'm in a very strange place. I hope this week goes much smoother.