After The House Shook from Thunder

"My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne" --Tina Fey

I've been tense and anxious lately. The funerals, living at home with anxious/stressed family members, thinking about the GRE, not having a paycheck for a month and a half, and then all of the research I'm doing about graduate schools is a lot to think about. I've spent the last two days just searching grad schools, looking at their application fees, portfolio expectations, and all of the other requirements. Most of the schools I want to apply to are incredibly competitive. Every writer wants to get paid to go to school and write. Sure, it's not a lucrative lifestyle, but it's a way to survive while expanding my mind and being forced to do something I love. Not to mention no one can get a job. Combine those things, and the grad programs are overflowing with applications. I want to go into the application process certain of what I'm looking for, with a variety of schools to choose from, and a strong portfolio. That requires planning far in advanced. That's why I've been investing so much time into it these past few days when I have good internet and little responsibility.

I'm also stressed about how I'm going to get back to school in order to go to therapy and yoga on Wednesday, but the problem is that I need to be back home by Thursday night in order to make my meeting with the nuns Friday morning about next year. I can get a ride there with Leslie tomorrow. Getting home is the problem, then I'd want to come back up to spend my last week ever in the location where I've spent the last five years--not to mention the whole moving out of an apartment I lived in for three years process.

My chin has sick, painful eruptions going on from the stress. I love that Tina Fey quote because it mirrors my own life so closely.

Tonight there was an awful storm. A tornado warning was issued, and while we were in the basement thunder rumbled so loud that it shook the house. This intense weather is a bit scary. Also the cold weather we've had lately makes me think that the seasons just aren't right anymore. I don't want to sound like the paranoid people, but I worry about the damage humans have done to this beautiful earth. No one lives a life of balance. We take much more than we give. I don't think life can carry on like this. Not that I'm predicting some end-of-the-world situation. I just worry the consequences we will suffer from our choices, or the consequences the next generations will be forced to deal with because of our choices.

I ordered a yoga dvd, which has a specific practice aimed at people with anxiety and depression. It was reviewed very positively, so I'm optimistic. I finally accepted that I'm just not experienced enough to practice alone without someone guiding me on what to do. I've seen how much better yoga can make me feel, so I hope that this DVD will be a good investment, even though I'm not working right now. I figure if it can help me feel healthier this summer, than it's worth it.

I also was excited to find a list of the top 25 most underrated MFA programs. I'd been so stressed by seeing the acceptance rates of some of the programs I'm looking into--a good majority of them have acceptance rates under %10. I know it's important to apply to a variety of programs, but at the same time, I want my grad school experience to be the best it can be. My professors rave about their time spent in MFA programs, and how you're sheltered from the real world because you are just surrounded by so many people who love and breathe writing like you. Then, they talk about the shock of leaving that community and realizing how lonely the writing life can be. I want to appreciate my 2-3 years surrounded by writing.