Dual of the Fates

Do not ask me why, but for some reason I'm listening to "Dual of the Fates" from Star Wars. It is very geeky for me to be listening to Star Wars music, but I just like the whole good VS evil theme. If only it was that simple in real life. Nothing is ever entirely good or evil. It makes everything very confusing. The choir singing so desperately in the background is something I wish I would hear when I encounter mean people. It would be hilarious! It would definitely make me laugh instead of being angry. I am going to see Harry Potter on Saturday with my grandma. I am really excited it looks fantastic!

I have a ton of homework I need to be doing, but tonight this is kind of homework. The thing is, I am trying to begin organizing my writing for IND Study. I realized I need to do more quality writing. I have been making a list over the last 2 days about topics, styles, and people I would like to write about. I need to get on the ball for that, but I did make some progress over the weekend. I need to keep writing everyday, but tonight I do not have time to do real writing (as in stories or poems). I saw this movie this weekend called The Jacket. It story line was so cool. I would love to try that style of writing, although ms. eddy informed me today how challenging it is to write things that are murky all the way through and then piece together at the end. She said she was not even sure if she could help me get started. I want to experiment around with it though.

I am still having a dilemma with whether or not I want to get serious about Brandon. I like him, but I was sure I didn't want a relationship. The only problem with that is that I am not sure why I do not want a boyfriend. I think it is just fear of growing up. Maybe I should just get over it and take a chance for once. I couldn't sleep last night because I was confused and thinking about it. I guess the best answer to my confusion is to talk to him about it and see what he has to say. I am scared to do that though, but I am sure next time it comes up I will have to do it. Everyone thinks I am such a pushover, partly because I am, but if it is something I am really determined to do, then I will do it. I am determined to be more honest with him in hopes that he will do the same. It was not that we were intentionally dishonest with each other last time, but it was just that we both were too reserved with each other to tell the other when we were unhappy. As fun as that all was it ended, because fantasies can't last forever. A relationship has to be real. I think the both of us have grown a lot, but I am still not confident in myself being mature enough to have a serious relationship. To be honest the idea of a serious relationship scares the crap out of me.

Tomorrow I get my new "little sister" through the big brothers/big sisters program. I am anxious, but still very disappointed that I can no longer see my other one. I still have been thinking about her and hoping she's okay. I have noticed that if I go more than a couple days without running I feel myself getting sad for no reason. Maybe that was part of my problem last year. Exercise can really work miracles on my mood. I think I need to keep running for multiple reasons, but that is one of the perks for sure. I need to go study for my lit comp quiz tomorrow. I have to babysit tomorrow from 6-9. I was hoping to start my reading response tonight so I won't be up late tomorrow, but there is no reason for me to stay up late tonight in trying to avoid staying up late tomorrow. I will just do what I can and try not to stress.