Enough Already

I saw a glimpse of my immaturity mixed with a noticable growth from last year. I have commented on Student Senate "drama" before. I have done everything I could to avoid it. I have not bad-mouthed anyone and I have done what I have been told. Somehow I have been thrown into the "bashin' bin." I was angry at first, because I feel that I am not included in any of the activities, but then expected to contribute. I felt betrayed, because I have been nothing but polite to people. I rarely get angry, so I noticed my immaturity at my anger. In order for me to be angry I have to feel vindicated, and in the past I was not confident enough to be angry. I would just get sad. Although, the anger is progress...I do realize that anger is an immature reaction most of the time, because it can take over rational thoughts. I was fortunate enough to have Big Brothers/Big Sisters today after that class, so I was able to find my normal self again. My first instinct was to grap the angry music with "F-You" screamed frequently. I then decided to select the one Christian song on my ipod and jam to it. Then my rational thoughts came into play. Well, truthfully it was not until the ride home from visiting my "little sister" that the rational thoughts came. After spending a nice time with my little, I decided that I should not feel slighted at their comments. I know that I am doing my best to be a good person. I will admit that I probably deserve to be talked about behind my back sometimes, but this is one of the few times where I didn't. I realized that the people that were saying stuff are not people I will see after I graduate. I have done my part to be respectful, and that is all I can do. If they want to talk bad about me, what good is it for me to get all angry about it? I shouldn't base my self-analysis on their opinions, so who cares?

As honest and mature as those thoughts are, I still feel some anger at writing about this. I know I shouldn't be, but it's amazing how I can be completely comfortable with a situation, and then feelings take over. I think it just comes down to my feelings were hurt for no apparent reason. I need to get used to it, because that's life...and plus I am a little bit "overly sensitive." Hey, I'm a writer...What do you expect? So the good news is...I can see growth in the aspect of understanding my feelings. The bad news is... I still feel a little slighted by the drama.

I have decided I will most likely continue doing more personal blogging on here, unless I get more interested people on my space. I wonder if any of my friends read my blogs on there, and if they do that makes me feel like I cannot be as honest. Well, I am off to study for a Govt. test tomorrow. I hope it goes well. Oh an I start job shadowing at a physical therapists office tomorrow. I am quite nervous!