I have not felt like myself at all for months now. Mostly because of my daily headaches and sinus problems. Today I still had a headache, but I felt like me. I was goofing around in Independent Study, I was genuinely smiling, when people asked me how I was doing I actually said "good" instead of "okay," and I just felt I paid more attention to the ladies at the nursing home. I then read the side effects on the new steroid pills I stared today, and "mood changes" is listed as one of them. I was like "Well, I'll take that." I just hope it isn't like mood swings, and then I'll be the opposite tomorrow. If it is, at least I will be able to blame the drugs.

I learned that the one woman's roommate that I used to speak of (the one who developed alzhiemer's after I had started visiting) passed away last week. I had a feeling she would, she was very sick last week. She didn't even know her own family members that were visiting. I think it is what she wanted though, because she was so disoriented that she never knew what was going on. She was always scared, paranoid, and depressed. She was not like that at all when I first started visiting there. She was the sweetest woman. She talked really soft and would always join in my conversations with the woman I visit there. She was so thoughtful and sweet. When she started getting sick this summer, I think my heart would break a little more each time I saw her. She started out just being confused, then she started losing that sweet personality and getting more demanding and angry. I think one of the worst times was when she was sitting on her bed wearing only a bra. She was asking me to get her some clothes out of the closet. I started to do that, but then the Velma (The woman I visit) told me not to. She told me Viera (The roommate) was supposed to be wearing the clothes she had on the bed. Viera began to grow angry with me and started crying. I told her I wished I could help her and that I could get a nurse, but she was being totally irrational. It broke my heart when the nurses came in. Viera started yelling and swearing at the nurses, and she would never have done that in her right mind. She was the sweetest, soft-spoken woman.

Today Velma told me how she was ready to die and she hoped it was soon. She is 96 and still so innocent and sweet. She believes in everything she says, without any doubts. I have really grown attach to her, and while I know she is anxious for her last day to come, I do not want it to. I guess that's just the selfish side of me coming out.

There is so much drama going on over who is going where for Spring Break. All of my closest friends are like ready to kill each other. I don't really want to deal with it...I am seriously thinking about just staying home. It will be soccer season anyways. I probably should stay home. Today when I mentioned that my best friend was like "Who are you trying to impress?" meaning why am I not going to just do what I want to do instead of worry about everyone else. The answer is I am not trying to impress anyone. I just will not have a good time if I feel guilty the whole time...I guess it's just my guilt issues taking over like always.

Tonight I went to Applebees with my dad and my sister, because my mom was at meetings. It was a nice get away from the normal week, but then I realize it is only Tuesday. So I should get over the stressed feeling, and face the week head on...a nice dinner was nice anyways.

Saturday Adam wants me to go to this "Erotic Play" about lesbians. I was like "What are you trying to say?" at first, but then he informed me it is free and it is a feminist play by a woman who used to work for the Bush administration. So I think I will go, because it will be a chance to spend some time with Adam and expand my theatre experiences. I need to be open-minded. I just have been feeling so sick so often, that I don't really like to go out on Saturday nights anymore. I like to sit home in my P.J's and watch Saturday Night Live and movies with my family. I know, not typical 17 (almost 18) year-old behavior.

Friday is my cat scan. A lot of people are nervous for me, which is very sweet...Surprisingly I am not nervous though. Can you believe that? ME! the most nervous person in the whole entire world is not nervous about a cat-scan. I mean, it's a little scary to think about the possibilities, but I am almost 100% it's just some sinus problems. Also I just keep making jokes about it...which sounds immature, but is helping tremendously. I kept telling Caitlin and Christine in I.Study, that the worst they could tell me is I am dying from feline aids...the discussion wouldn't even be scary because they would be like:

DOCTOR: "We have some bad news. We don't k now how to tell you this, but we think you have a new disease. It's called felinitis. The good news is we are going to name it the "Aimee disease," after you."

ME: What does that mean, Doctor?

Doctor: It means you seem to be a cat. P.S. you have feline aids.

That is the running joke in 2nd hour, that I am secretly a cat. It's lame, immature, all of the above. We seem to get a kick out of it though, and it really has made me not nervous about anything. Plus like I mentioned before, I am pretty sure all of my constant sickness is just sinus issues anyways. So what is there to be scared about?

I have to go do an English paper that I have been procrastinating. I needed to vent though, because my sister just accidently deleted all of the 400 songs on my I-pod. I don't want to be angry at her, because I know she didn't mean to. There is probably a way to fix it, but I just needed to write a little to calm down.