Here Comes the Sun

Things are really looking up for me. I'm proud of everything I have accomplished this summer. I still cannot get over the fact that last Monday night, in a matter of moments, I made the independent decision that I was going to move back to school the next morning in order to attend Partial. I packed my clothes (luckily, most my things were already packed due to putting our house on the market) even in the middle of my hysterical crying fit. I am thankful Kristin was able to sit and listen to me whine and feel sorry for myself without judging me.

I feared that I should go back to the psych. unit, but it was late, and my mom didn't think she could stay awake to drive that long of a distance. I settled for my night time pills, a nice shower, and a massage from Ashlee to calm me down enough to sleep.

I woke up bright and early, said goodbye to everyone (after my mom took me to the gas station to get gas and put air in my tires), and drove alone on the expressway for my first time, conquering my paralyzing driving anxiety. I left a voicemail for the people at partial, warning them I was coming that day, and after 2 hours of driving alone, I rang the doorbell, was greeted by the nurse, and signed myself into partial.

I worked very hard every day, and I am grateful to the wonderful people at partial (patients and workers). In just four days, I felt confident enough to begin classes on Monday. I would never have guessed I would progress so quickly. The workers at partial were very proud of me, too. On the last day, the therapist told me that they always teach relapse prevention classes, but very few people follow their instructions. He said in his 20 years of working there, he could probably count on one hand the patients who have returned to them before a full-blown relapse. He also set me up with a therapist here in town. It was not planned this way, but it turned out to be in walking distance from my apartment. It will be so nice to not have to deal with getting a cab service.

Plus, I had an amazing first session with her. She is very to-the-point, and pieced details of my life together very quickly. She also told me to call her cell even if it is three in the morning should I ever find myself in a position where I need to go to the hospital again. I don't foresee that happening, but I am still pretty unstable in the sense that I feel very excited about my progress or just overwhelmed with grief about what I've been through.

I have had wonderful support from family and friends. Thank you all again. I am now taking ownership for my recovery, but it is certainly easier to keep fighting when I have people giving me hugs, listening, and sending positive messages. I see the sun on the horizon. It got so dark, I finally saw the stars, and now I'm moving on and looking to the morning.