Writing with Courage

"Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." -Eddie Rickenbacker

I realize I don’t have distance on my hospitalizations and depression, so I’m scared to write about it. If I examine that fear, I discover that it is more about not wanting to feel uncomfortable, knowing I’m making the reader uncomfortable. Comfort can be a prison that too many do not escape. I understand that it can be immature to be so blunt, bold, and fierce with my most private thoughts. I also know that I have a sickness that I am learning to deal with. It is a sickness that the majority of people, either don't believe in, or at least can’t stand to hear about it. What does that tell those who are sick? The disease takes over ones rationality, so they already have a distorted, negative self-image. If we, as a society, are telling those who suffer from depression that their illness is not real or that it's not okay to talk about--just to make our own selves feel more at ease; that is selfish. To a depressed person, both of those reactions are the same as if you were telling them it is their fault. They already feel like it is their fault, so any outside voices suggesting even remotely the same thing will be much louder than those who validate their sickness.

I can’t let fear for what other people think of me stop me from writing truth. It will be hard to take such intense pieces of writing to my creative non-fiction class, considering I know pretty much the whole class from different places. I will not want to feel so vulnerable so quickly in there, but I feel like this is urgent. I want to write essays that creep people out, forcing them to realize how depression is truly a sickness that changes a person’s logic. I want my essays to make people angry and cry. On top of all of this, I want my essays to make people laugh and show some sort of beauty even in the midst of a tragedy.

That’s a lot I want to do this semester with my writing. I would rather dream big, though, and fall short, then sell myself short and just never try. I need and deserve to be heard. It’s all about persistence and passion. I think I have both.