I'm tired. Tired of fighting. I told my therapist it's not fair that I try to stop myself from having harmful thoughts, which just results in more pain. I understand healing is hard. I'm not weak, but I'm worn down. This is my life--it's not like I can just take a break from it. That's where sometimes I feel like going to the hospital again is the only way to achieve a break. Being in the hospital validates I'm ill, keeps me from having to be social or impress anyone, and it seems like a legit reason to miss class. My therapist says I have depression that is severe enough to miss class just to stay in bed--or miss class to work out. Missing class for mental health is not the same as missing for physical illness. I shouldn't have to hide out all day and fake sick. I should be doing whatever makes me feel better. I'm thankful for the people who encourage me every day. I try to encourage them back in the same way, but why is it we don't hear anything until it's something negative? I'm working on my ego to avoid that sort of vulnerability.
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