Ordinary People

I just watched a movie my therapist recommended called "Ordinary People" with Mary Tyler Moore. It was really well done, but messed with my mind a bit. I skipped all of my classes today. I couldn't really get out of bed. Or I guess, I couldn't stay out of bed. I'd get up with good intentions, always ending up back in my bed. I was able to finally get up around 2 and walk to the gym to work out. Working out helped a bit, but then I had a therapy appointment. It was very nice to be validated in all of my negative feelings and congratulated on all of the good stuff I am doing instead of looking at what I'm not doing. I feel unfit to be in school. I am too drained, which leads to apathetic, to have the discipline I need. I'm passing all my classes, though. My therapist says I should be very proud, because under my circumstances, passing is a very challenging thing to strive for.

John Legend has a song called "Ordinary People." It's always been one of my favorites. It has beautiful piano playing, his voice is comforting, and the lyrics are real. I think a lot of my problems, as well as my friends' problems, are that we forget we are all just ordinary people. The world won't stop if we mess up. Failure doesn't kill us, and we will make mistakes and disappoint people in the same ways we are disappointed by them. It's natural. It's really all about honesty and integrity. We hold each other accountable; apologize where it's due; express our expectations of apologies before writing a person off. I have little patience for the fake facades I'm surrounded by. I need people who love me to love all of me--my beliefs, my passions, my actions. I love people for many reasons and to so many different degrees. Why can I allow room for ambiguity in the relationships with people I love, but not expect the same from them? I'm working to figure this all out--taking it one ordinary day at a time.