Something's Missing

I haven't been writing for fun at all this semester. I've had too many papers and lots of homework. At first, it felt nice to have no pressure on me to be creative, but creativity is in my soul. If I go too long without a creative outlet, I get restless--depressed even. I feel a void in my life from not writing. It takes practice, though, and now that I've been away from it for so long, it is hard for me. Even if I allow myself some time to write, I just write a few sentences and quit. I am missing creative writing classes, peer reviewers, and deadlines. Not writing is good for me to help find balance in my life, but it's also bad for my mental health. I begin to feel like my life is meaningless. Writing allows me to reflect visually. It helps me find meaning in the mundane. I miss all my writing teachers. There's something really powerful about the relationship I have with my writing mentors. I feel understood when I have a writing mentor I really connect with.

I'm having trouble keeping up with school and making up work from last Spring. I don't know how they expect me to remember stuff from last Spring. It's just bad for my self-esteem to have all of these tasks I feel I'm not qualified for. I think life will start looking up after this semester. After this semester, I will have the worst behind me. I will be on a normal schedule; I won't have any work to make up. I will have creative writing classes again, and I will be looking into grad schools. The whole grad school thing could either be a huge dream-come-true, or a slap in the face. I plan on applying to some pretty prestigious programs. My professors have all been very supportive of me, leading me to believe I can get into a good program. Dream big, right? I'll be sure to include some smaller, back-up schools in my plan too. It's good to aim big, but I don't want to be unprepared either.