Energy

Today I was talking with a friend about how I believe everyone has energy. I surprised myself when I said this, but I think I finally have something to believe in. I think when we die our energy lives on in the people we love, which is why people can feel the presence of their loved one so strongly after that loved one dies. I believe the idea of tapping into people's energy is a way for me to make prayer work without making it like talking to an imaginary friend. Harold Kushner, a rabbi, wrote about prayer as a way to tap into ourselves and be connected to other people. I think we can pray for help and there will be people in our life who pick up on that vibe and help us. I think we can pray for strength or courage and surprise ourselves with what energy we can tap into. Some people call that God. Other's argue it's just the miracle of the human mind. I don't really care what it is. I just like having a way to articulate how I feel about it, and not let other people define it for me with a three letter word.

I also am discovering that I pick up on other people's energy a little too much sometimes. I'm one of the most oblivious people I know (it's discouraging, really). Despite being oblivious to the real world, I am crazy perceptive about people, their mannerisms, and energy. I tend to let other people's negative energy bring me down more than I let people's positive energy bring me up.  I am working on that. Being home while everyone is stressed and experiencing existential crises, is really forcing me to dig deep into myself and try not to stray too far from center. It seems to go better earlier in the day, and then I struggle around dinner. I think it has to do with the fact that Im home alone all day, and then all of the stressed family members come home around dinner time. I've been trying to take a walk, rollerblade, or bike after dinner to clear my head. It helps somewhat. I don't know why I didn't do it tonight. I felt like writing, but then I got down about writing and started blogging. It seems I'm not the most proactive person about my mental health.