Silence

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.

RACHEL NAOMI REMEN

I talked about silence with Laura last night. She doesn't like silence. I understand why, because I know the discomfort silence can create in my entire body. Silence often makes me tense up. However, I sit in silence with my friend, Adam, a lot. Sometimes we hike without speaking, ride in the car and just listen to music, or even just sit in silence. When he and I are silent for too long, I start to get tense. I want to say something to break that silence, but I feel I can only break the silence if I have something important to say, which forces me to think about why I'm saying something. I think it is really good for me. I also find that I enjoy silence with the people I am closest to, and I think it is because it requires being comfortable with them.  I was reflecting on this earlier this morning and I thought about how it must be some evolutionary thing. Maybe we feel the urge to keep talking with people we don't entirely trust--so we can scope out their ideas in that moment. In the past if someone was communicating, the people they were with could make sure they were not angry and going to attack them. They could prepare how to handle that person, if they started communicating they were angry. That's not necessary anymore. We live in a civilized society, and most people will not randomly attack you, even if they are not trustworthy. I think it is natural due to our past nature to feel that discomfort in our entire bodies when we sit with people in silence. Sitting in silence with someone is so beautiful, because it's allowing them to be lost in their mind and in no way connected to you, yet you are connected by space. Last night I laid on the floor in silence with Beth and James in the dark for a few moments. It was funny, because Leslie came in, and was like, "What are you guys doing?" James answered, "Lying here." 

Kristin once referred to that comfortable silence with others as "pure" silence. I like that. I think there is pure silence, which can only be shared with people we love, but I am working on being mindful of silence with other people, too. I can think of this boy who used to call me in High School. I used to never want to talk to him, because he was so "awkward" on the phone. There were all of these silences where he would just wait for me to say something. I would feel so uncomfortable, but it was because I was not comfortable with myself. Silence is giving me a new opportunity to evaluate myself and appreciate the progress I have made over the past few years.

I talk a lot. I think that's okay sometimes, because I listen a lot too. Most of my friends, also, talk a lot and I like that. It keeps things flowing easily and helps us to get to know each other better. I should probably work to be less giddy and talkative, but I really don't care to at this point in my life. I think being less giddy comes with maturity, and I'm still only 20. I also think maturity is accepting where I am at, and not feeling the urge to act older than I am. There are a few rare people in my life who are older than me, yet I never feel the urge to act older than I am around them. I find that I act most immature when I am trying to be mature, anyway, but I am thankful for those few people who have accepted and loved me where I am and allowed me to mature on my own time.