Complication

Everything is going well. I am happy overall. I mean I have my good and bad days, but this a completely different environment than last year. Last year at this time everything seemed awful. I felt so pessimistic about everything and one year later, I am completely back to my optimistic self. I am still sick, but it is getting better. I don't have to work tonight, but work is getting better too. Even with everything going so well, I can't help but feel frustrated with how complicated everything seems to be. I guess, all of the complication makes everything more enjoyable when it works out, but I can't help but desire a freebee from time to time. I am always trying to make everyone else happy and now worrying about what I want. Sometimes I feel like I just want to do what I want to do. I want to say I don't care about everyone else, but when it comes down to it, I will make the decision to please everyone. I guess you could say I am "all talk to myself" and no action. It is hard to make the right choice when either you lose or someone else does. Either way I will be unhappy, because I don't like to see other people lose either. I wish everyone could win sometimes. I am competitive as hell, but I really didn't mind YMCA soccer days when everyone wins! We would argue over who won, but then the coach would be like "Everyone won, because it was a tie!" and the little kids all scream and holler. God, that was perfect.

The week is flying since I had Monday off. Work tomorrow, meet Thursday and Boom! it's fricken Friday! I am not complaing though. I think it's fantastic. I just hope the weekend doesn't fly by, but I am sure it will. Time slips away so fast it scares me. I don't feel like I ever get to fully grasp my life. I feel like it is good, but spinning out of control. At track today we ran a route that I did in the summer with just Drew. It was like deja vu because I was running next to Drew, it was super hot, and I was dead tired because I am sick. I was like "It feels like it should be summer with you and I running. It is so weird we have already had 4 or 5 meets and are in our 3rd week of school. Where did the summer go?"

Right now I am listening to the Wallflowers. I have really gotten into them lately. I always have loved their "One headlight" song, but I am obssessed with their "Closer to you" one. It's so beautiful. My friend also just got me listening to this band called Nickel's Creek. I only have one of their songs with this country singer. It is so pretty. It is called "Excuses" if anyone knows it let me know. I just can't get enough of this stuff.