Death

I had a sad day at the nursing home today. I have gotten used to seeing/hearing about death weekly from the ladies at the nursing home. I have had multiple heartbreaking visits, but I think today has been one of the worst. Probably because it was more than one person upset for different things relating to death. My first visit seemed normal enough, of course she is lonely and misses her family but she was not down like I had seen her before. I really could relate to her when she said she just wanted a couple hours to herself. Not aiming it at me, she loves having someone to talk to. She meant mostly at night time. She was saying how she cannot get away from people, yet she can be so lonely. There is always someone there. Having no privacy can get old fast. She has been there for years, that makes it hard. She said she used to like to stay up really late and watch the snow fall out of the windows in the TV room at like midnight. No one would be in there then. I feel so awful that she can't ever have total peace and quiet.

The other lady I visit was fine. She is 96, so she has a ton of pains and she can't walk, but she was as fine as she ever is. Her roommate on the other hand was awful. She is suffering from dizzy spells. She sat up and I heard her crying. I had to cut off the 96 year old lady to make sure her roommate was okay. She couldn't even sit up. I told her to lie back down and rest, but she said she was so sick of that. She was so dizzy she ended up lying down. Her phone rang and as she answered it the whole base, (It has a chord.) fell onto the floor. I had to pick it up for her. She tried to tell me thanks, but she was crying so hard she could barely get the words out. She was so pale. Then a bunch of ministers came in and said a prayer over her. It was very loud and almost scary as these large men all shouted different prayers over her at the same time. All the while she was curled up in her bed bawling. I heard her crying to the minister that she had to miss church service at the nursing home that day. They told her it was fine because she was sick, but she just kept crying. I felt so terrible. She calmed down after they left and was calm enough to explain her dizziness, but I wished there was more I could have done.

I felt plenty sad after witnessing such a sad, sick lady cry helplessly. It only got worse as I went into the room of my great great Aunts. She is only in there for a while to recover from heart surgery, but she is having a very hard time coping with the environment of a nursing home. I feel awful, because I have never been close to her. She is always at family reunions, weddings, funerals, etc... but I never took much time to talk to her much. I was always occupied with cousins and grandparents. I talked to her today and she told me how the lady in the bed next to her died at 10am on Tuesday and she was not removed until 3 or 4 pm. My Aunt stayed out of her room all day. She says she feels very claustrophobic, because she is either surrounded by strangers or in a bed surrounded by white hospital curtains. She was crying as I talked to her. I have never been close to her, but I felt myself wanting to cry as I saw my own family member so lonely and sad in a nursing home. That's not supposed to happen to my OWN family members. I don't remember ever giving my Aunt a hug, but as I left I gave her a hug and couldn't help telling her I love her. I didn't even have to think about it. I just said it. I knew it was true. She spoke so highly of my dad. It made me so proud to see that she was proud of him. Our family is far from perfect, but things like this make me realize how hard everyone is trying. I might have looked down on my relatives for all of the pregnant teens, alcoholism , smoking in front of kids with breathing problems, and other reckless behavior... but we are all trying. When it comes down to it we all love each other and take care of the people we care about.